Ten Statements About....KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE (2015)

"...a man with an umbrella is always prepared..."

“Manners maketh man. Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson."

1) In spots, this is the Avengers (the TV show, not the comic/movie franchise) movie that I always wanted, and so much of that is because of Colin Firth’s Hart.  He is the best John Steed never named John Steed, and is made all the more remarkable by the sense that Henry was as much a rebel as Taron Egerton’s Eggsy is when he was younger.  If only the Mark Millar-isms didn’t keep creeping into the film....

2) And speaking of Egerton, thank goodness the film doesn’t shy away from Eggsy’s, well, dickishness.  While he has aspects that are admirable, he’s never too far away from his chaviness right up to the payoff in the, ahem, end.

3) What is up with Samuel L, Jackson’s performance as Valentine?  It seems all mannerisms and quirks, and that lisp he affects bugs me the fuck out.

I've heard of wet dreams before, but this is ridiculous.

4) For a film that wears its love of spy culture on its sleeve, quoting and referencing everything from James Bond to Maxwell Smart to Jason Bourne, its got some sincere disconnects that can be laid at the feet of Millar.  When the good guys gleefully blow up the heads of major world leaders, the feel Vaughn is going for is lost.

5) While I have no problem with the film’s comedic coda given the James Bond formula it’s aping, the thing that makes it not quite work is that there’s a painstakingly created potential love interest in Sophie Cookson’s Roxy.  The script does a lot to forge this bond between the two only to have her discarded towards the finale without any resolution to their arc.

6) One of the spy tropes this film gets a hundred percent right is the henchman, Sofia Boutella’s Gazelle.  Grotesque but graceful and a formidable presence, Boutella gives this film her all, and her presence livens up the proceedings while also giving us a Hell of a ‘final boss’ for Eggsy to fight during the climax.

"I'm gonna introduce you to this chick with a machine
gun for a leg.  You two would get along great!"

7) Given that this is a film based on a Mark Millar comic, it’s excessively violent--so violent it almost doesn’t fit into the superspy movie genre the script gleefully wants to emulate.  Every time a human being gets sliced in half, or we sit through a horrifyingly brutal sequence where Hart slaughters a church full of people gone mad with bloodlust, we’re tossed right out of the spell this film weaves throughout its narrative.

8) I’m not surprised that Michael Caine is cast as Kingsman head Arthur given Caine’s position in the canon of superspy movie culture.  But I was surprised at how Arthur’s story arc ends up--although I shouldn’t have, given Mark Millar’s involvement.

9) Given the nature of the MacGuffin, I have to ask...did somebody watch too much Russell T. Davies era Doctor Who?

10) While I may not appreciate the way the storyline involving Eggsy’s mother was handled, I do appreciate that it is given a payoff in the post-credit sequence.

Overall...A peculiar film that is a very good pastiche of superspy movies, but becomes a mess whenever it hews closely to the Millar original and revels in its low sexuality and high brutality.

I was at the Atlas this time--maybe for the last time, given I’m moving at the end of this month.  Among the trailers were ones for The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (which, to my pleasant surprise, is going to be a period piece), Ant-Man (which could have benefitted from not having that goofy comedy sting at the end), and...shudder...Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, which proves than Kevin James can’t be funny in an unfunny Die Hard parody.

Ten Statements About....DJANGO UNCHAINED! (2012)

Yes, he is a free man and yes, he meant to dress like that....

"How do you like the bounty-hunting business?"
"Kill white people and get paid for it? What's not to like?."

1) Since this is a Quentin Tarantino movie, I appreciated the way he incorporates elements from the original Franco Nero films into the story.  Hell, I practically stood up in my seat when the Morricone theme (arguably the greatest movie theme of all time) came out of the speakers at the beginning, and pumped the air when Nero shows up for a brief cameo that passes the torch onto Jamie Foxx.

2) Even though Tarantino has had flirtations with other actors before, I have come to believe that he's found his muse in Christoph Waltz.  Just like with his portrayal of Landa in Inglorious Basterds, Waltz' Dr. King Schultz is a vivid character who seems to have his own weird code of honor.  And given how well he plays off of Foxx, he's a great characters who brightens the film as long as he's onscreen.

3) I think the real charm of Leonardo diCaprio's Candie is that while he does villainous things, an argument can be made that he may not exactly be the villain.  Yes, he does some hideously awful things, he has that subtle but gross incestuous relationship with his sister...but nothing he does is outside the law or mores of the culture he exists in.  It's only when Samuel L. Jackson's Stephen outs Schultz and Django that Candie becomes a monstrous individual.  Taken in this context, it makes sense that his role is relatively small.  And speaking of Stephen....

"You are supposed to be me? Funny...I do not look black...."

4) I have to wonder if Stephen is, in Tarantino's mind, the true villain of the piece.  Jackson's performance is extremely clever.  Judging by the way Stephen seems to shift in intelligence depending on who he's addressing, this seems to be a man who gives off an inferior facade to hide the fact that he's always angling to be in a superior position.  And give it to Tarantino that he doesn't give the character the redemption moment we are led to expect him getting at some point simply because of who is playing him and what his character is in the context of the world.

5) God bless Tarantino for continuing to use practical effects.  These wounds are splattery and messy, and doesn't have the sameness of CGI wounds in other films.  This carnage is so gross that you sort of understand why Django hesitates to kill one man in front of his son.

6) I know that some people have some problems with the humorous way Tarantino handles Don Johnson's Big Daddy and his proto-Klan buddies, especially the scene featuring Jonah Hill complaining about the hoods.  But that humorous element was vital.  There's so much grimness on either side of that sequence, especially when we start moving toward the Candie sequence, that those moments (and I'll fess up to laughing out loud at the whole discussion of whether to wear the hoods or not) are necessary to allow the audience to relieve the tension.

7) One thing that sort of niggles at me is how we never see the logical extension of what Django does at both Big Daddy's and the Candie plantations.  There is so much gravitas to the way Django dispatches the overseers at Big Daddy's that I expected the slaves watching him to rise up.  I can understand why the slaves wouldn't rise up at the Candie's initially--they do have Stephen manipulating them into thinking they should be good lil' slaves--but the ones at Big Daddy should be running around kicking all sort of white ass after seeing Django beat and kill their masters.

Look, Don Stroud...I know you were hot shit in the 70's, but
you don't mess with Christoph Waltz....

8) It puzzles me why Tarantino chose Kerri Washington to play Hildy.  Don't get me wrong; Washington is an excellent actress....but given how little play Hildy has in the film itself, it seems like a waste of her talents.

9) And speaking of talented actors...I am totally cool with Foxx as Django for about 95% of the film's running time.  But there's about 5% where Jamie Foxx The Personality steps out of Jamie Foxx The Actor and totally subverts all the work the latter has put into making his version of Django into a living, breathing character.  There are some moments where I can forgive it, like in the coda at the end, but some of the other moments in Act Two and the early parts of Act Three end up being discordant.

10) I was somewhat floored by the amount of celebrity cameos in this film; if it was made in the 70's, I could easily see it being marketed with one of those headshot lines showing all the big names in small roles in the film.  But without a doubt, the most pleasurable of these cameos for me was seeing John Jarrett of Wolf Creek as an Australian mining guy who is tricked into arranging for his own death.

Overall...an excellent western in the Tarantino mode that only makes me sadder that this may be the beginning of the end of his career.

I was at the Atlas again--they've now raised the price to ten dollars for a matinee, which is almost as expensive as the regular price--and managed to avoid the sludge that is the Firstlook.  What I did not avoid is the family behind me who brought both their infant child and their young son, who thought nothing of deciding to play a little Angry Birds about midway through the film; I really think there should be a parenting license in this country, don't you?   Not a lot of interesting trailers, perhaps the most intriguing being the one for Scary Movie 5--not because I wanted to see it, but because I was surprised the producers took this long to tackle the found footage genre.

Ten Statements About....THE AVENGERS (2012)

"You gotta strut, pout, put it out/that's what you want from..."

"The Avengers. It's what we call ourselves, sort of like a team. 'Earth's Mighiest Heroes' type thing."
"Yes, I've met them."
"Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But let's do a head count here: your brother the demi-god; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and YOU, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them."

1) I owe Joss Whedon an apology, as in this film he manages to prove he is able to do big-ass on-screen action and super-heroics...and manages to find new and engaging ways to do said big-ass on-screen action (although there is a moment which makes me wonder if he was aware of the criticism some people leveled at him, myself included, and decided to spoof it).

2) Mark Ruffalo's take on Bruce Banner is rather interesting. There's a strange sense of humor running under his take, a kind of bemused sarcasm that plays off of Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark really well. And while I still don't buy the reasoning Banner gives for controlling his Hulk-Outs in the third act, I can see how Ruffalo made those choices to bolster that contention.

3) At first, I really thought Clark Gregg's beloved Agent Coulson was acting out of character when he went all fanboy in the presence of Chris Evans' Captain America...but then I realized that what Whedon was doing was showing how Coulson's admiration for Cap is what spurred him on to become the super-cool secret agent we've grown to like in the previous four films, that Cap's selflessness became a template for Coulson's sense of duty and honor, and spurs on his actions later in the film.

4) One of the things I really, really appreciated was how we had our heroes actively using their powers to save people at time rather than just beating things up. Iron Man trying to jumpstart the helicarrier, Cap making the save in the bank....these moments gave us a sense of these characters being heroes and not just gaily-dressed guys beating up armored lizard guys.

"Goodness...is that...our profits?"

5) So first Scarlett Johanssen, now Cobie Smolders...is it the agenda of these movies to get every woman I think is hot squeezed into a formfitting SHIELD uniform? Can I look forward to Kristen Bell playing Daisy Johnson? Maybe McPhee as Victoria Head?

6) I was also appreciative that the only real member of the Joss Whedon Day Players was Alex Denisoff's Other (unless you count Chris Hemmworth, who got Thor thanks to Cabin In The Woods)--and he was buried under make-up. But then, this is perhaps the least Whedon-feeling of Whedon's productions, even though there are large elements that are Whedon-esque.

7) While Tom Hiddleston's Loki acts a great deal more like an actual super-villain, he's still excellent in the role. He successfully gives us a proper face to the Big Shouty Alien Bug Invasion, and both puts forth his agenda ('It's easier to give up freedom, isn't it?') with a degree of rational thought and revels in his mischief.

"So you really think I'll be sticking around as Banner?"

8) While I recognize that the 'meet-and-fight' sequence that pulls the curtain down on Act One is there to give us a legitimate action beat while also giving fanboys a bit of a thrill...I wonder if it was actually necessary. It's not like Fury wouldn't have briefed everyone on each other, or that they'd be aware of each other's abilities. Yeah, it's a satisfying dust-up, but it could easily, easily have been sidestepped with a few lines of dialogue...

No, wait...this isn't supposed to be a Brian Michael Bendis comic.

Wow....that's....ummm, kinda tight, innit,
Cobie?"

9) I also recognize that someone had to get the short end of the stick, and I'm not surprised that it's mostly Those New Kids--Jeremy Renner's Hawkeye (who comes off as pretty much a cipher) and Smolder's Maria Hill. However, I am impressed that the script gives us a sense of both characters in the main action that we don't feel too left out. Hell, in the case of Hawkeye, what we learn made me actively interested in seeing this talked-about Hawkeye and Black Widow movie if said movie was a prequel that revealed the story they referenced a couple of time.

10) That last act could have been a massive mess of shaky-cam confusion...but I love how Whedon came up with lots of innovative action set pieces (the way Cap and Iron Man worked together utilizing the shield to focus and direct the repulsor blasts) and moments of genuine characterization that kept the film's momentum engaging. It's absolutely fitting that the last moment in the film includes a testimony from a seeming bystander making reference to Cap saving her during that last act.

Overall...about as great as a super-hero movie could be while still being unapologetically a super hero movie, this is the greatest movie little twelve year old Tom could have imagined when he was reading those old Shooter/Perez issues....and is a great two hours and change for adult Tom to experience. Here's hoping the next one is half as fun.