BRAVE VIEWED WORLD 2012 Edition Week One

Hey, look, it's a new year...and you know what that means, don't you?

That's right. Mid-Season Replacements. A slew of shows our beloved networks held back in reserve on the off-chance that their initial volley of shows didn't quite work out. And since the 2011 Fall Season was, well, one of the lousiest in recent memory, those new entries are rolling out in droves.

So, just as with the last round of Brave Viewed World (which you can find here and here, I will be looking at the pilots of the few new shows that interests me and giving my short (well, short-ish) impressions. As more and more of these things roll out, I'll also be letting you know how long I will keep up with the shows. Fair warning, though--back in September I sampled a slew of shows, and I ended up watching exactly two of them beyond their second week...and one of those, the schizophrenic adaptation of Prime Suspect that starred Maria Bello, got cancelled.

So let's start the Cavalcade of Pain!

ROB: Technically, this is called 'Rob' with those upside down and rightside up exclamation point....because, you see, CBS has wrung everything out of convincing the flyover states that hipsters, geeks, fatties and rich people are their lessers...so it's time to start convinicing them foreign people are their lessers!

One of these people is funny...the other is Rob Schnieder.

(Okay, I admit...the main reason I watched this was for the train-wreck potential of Rob Schnieder trying to carry a sitcom).

Rob plays a guy named....well, Rob...who marries Maggie, a woman who is a) taller, b) younger c) Mexican and d) waaaaaaaay out of his league. And while Maggie is the ideal mate in that she seems to have abandoned her business in Las Vegas so she can hang around in Rob's pricey home and beg to have sex with him, her massive Chicano family--headed by Cheech Marin's Fernando and his wife, Diana Maria Riva's Rosa--are not happy their little girl has married a schlubby white guy who couldn't carry a joke in a bucket with biiiiig handles.

To be fair, there are a sparse few lines of this pilot that I found funny, and they were all lines delivered by characters who aren't Rob Schnieder. Cheech Marin may be playing a one-dimensional character (he's the Henpecked Father Type that was perfected by Jerry Stiller in Seinfeld and The King Of Queens, only, you know, Chicano), but so masterful is his craft that he manages to squeeze laughs out of some really godawful lines. And I'll admit to really enjoying Eugenio Derbez' Hector. Hector is obviously designed to be the series' analog to The Wacky Neighbor, but there's a combination of how he delivers his lines and his physicality is hilarious; at one point he explains to Rob that he's just visiting, then add with the same style of intonation 'I'm neeever leaving,' and I couldn't stop laughing. If the show was solely about this Chicano family, I might be compelled to watch.

But, you know, it's a sitcom designed to showcase Rob Schnieder, and on that level it's not funny. I don't get any feeling that he and Claudia Bassols, playing Maggie have even had tea together, let alone that they are Meant For Each Other--and to be fair, Bassols isn't playing a character, she's playing an idealized woman for Rob to have. And Rob himself is such a sucking black hole of lack of funny that it's painful to watch him suffer through this half-hour gauntlet. I shall not be back.

The Finder: 'Hey, you know, Bones is going off the air, but we really don't want to give up that audience...what if we did something a whole lot like Bones, but not...maybe with a little of Monk thrown in...okay, a lot of Monk thrown in. Maybe a little Burn Notice, too."

...and then Michael Clarke Duncan snapped his neck out
of pity, and no one talked about the quirky detective again...

And, before I get into the show proper, I should give props to producer Hart Hansen for going very old school in setting this show up. Apparently, the program--based on a pair of books by Richard Greener--was given a defacto trailer by having the characters recur during the sixth season. That's the kind of thing we haven't seen since the 70's, and I'm all for more of it.

As for the show itself...Walter (Geoff Stults) is a former government man who suffered brain damage while serving his country. The results of this damage is that he's compelled to find things, and will go to great lengths to find what he seeks. He operates out of a disused bar in Key West, aided by Leo Knox (Michael Clarke Duncan) and Willa (Maddie Hansson)...and sometimes by U.S. Marshall Isabella Zambada (Mercedes Masohn), who is obviously meant to be the David Boreanez character, judging from the way we see her having dinner with Walter at one point, and shows up minutes later in her underwear trying to arrest some goons.

And it's...quirky. Maybe too quirky. I really don't find any of the characters charming, and there's this whole mythology rushing at us in hints and references which would be okay if there wasn't a mythology for each damn character. I want to focus on our main character, not get distracted by the teenage closet gypsy or the Marshall who's been suspended for reasons we don't get at. Hansen is so intent on every character being colorful and distinct and odd--the main villain takes trumpet lessons while wearing a succession of slutty swimwear, her henchpeople wear bright orange (and I mean bright orange) track suits, and Hell, if that's not enough John Fogerty shows up to cameo and wax rhapsodic about a guitar--that nobody is colorful and distinct. The mystery of the pilot, where Walter helps a young man discover what happened to his father, downed in the Florida swamps while transporting drugs, has its potential, but isn't all that compelling because Hansen wants us to love his characters, damnit, and nothing's going to stop him. And the dialogue is equally so intent on making us fall in love with the quirkiness that it ceases to be realistic; the lines given Masohn are particularly winge-worthy, particularly because she doesn't have the acting chops to deliver them effectively. The line where she claims she can't go into a secret cock-fighting den because she's too hot, in particular, falls flat with a thud.

Not surprisingly, the one actor who comes off the best is Michael Clarke Duncan, but that's like saying rain is wet.

I am still not sure if I want to give this a second try or not. I have this nagging feeling it is going to seriously piss me off....but it hasn't done so yet. So the jury is out on this one for the moment.

Napoleon Dynamite: This, however...ick. Just ick.



If you think this is a funny picture...you should stop reading
this blog.  For good.



I'd really like to know the reasoning behind taking a 2004 cult films whose cult has sort of died, been buried and allowed to rot and turning it into an animated series. 

(On a related note, I look forward to that moment when Fox finally decides that, you know, people are only really interested in The Simpsons and Family Guy, and not every sitcom on Sunday night has to be animated.)

I watched this thing with absolute confusion, wondering who the Hell this show is for. It looks like producer Mike Scully wants to turn this into a Jon-Heder-flavored Family Guy manque...but his confused-as-all-Hell mishmosh of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, American Gladiator and Fight Club parodies that served as the pilot's plot seems to indicate that Scully thinks just having the original actors doing these things is funny enough. Maybe it will to those people who found that original film funny...but as someone who didn't, and watched the show because, well, I am writing a new BNV about midseason replacements, I found it the height of unfunny.

It's not. It was a truly painful experience to watch this, and I chose not to watch the second episode of this 'two episode event'....needless to say, I will not be back.

Next week....A bunch of people disappear on an island thanks to J.J. Abrams, only it's Alcatraz, and it's got added Sam Neill....

BRAVE VIEWED WORLD 2011 Edition Week Two

Welcome to Week Two of our little journey...not as many pilots as last week, obviously, but since I never got around to viewing one of the two pilots I had intended on watching last week, I've just moved them up here. And, to make up for the noticeably shorter segment, I'll be following on whether I'll be continuing with the shows I decided to give a second chance to.

Oh, and a programming note--my VCR messed up, so I did not get to see Charlie's Angels. From what I can tell from reviews, I am not missing anything.

Enough with the administrative. Let's get to it, men...

Person of Interest: Wow...

Now this...this isn't in the CBS Crime Drama Mode. If anything, it has significant echoes of that classic Edward Woodward suspense The Equalizer--only filtered through equal parts cyberpunk and the Christopher Nolan playbook. Hell, it shouldn't be surprising given the show was created, and the pilot was written by brother Jonathan, that all the weird obsessions Nolan seem to have--voyeurism, perceptions, probability--are front and center.



The first Odd Couple style duo kicks ass...



The concept is that in the wake of 9/11, enigmatic millionaire Finch (Michael Emerson) creates for Homeland Security 'The Machine,' a predictive protocol that is supposed to anticipate potential terrorist activity. However, Finch is haunted by how The Machine seems to predict mundane crime as well...and has hired haunted ex-federal agent Reese (Jim Caviezal) to investigate the people the Machine predicts may be a 'person of interest' in a future crime so he can act as either a guardian angel--or an avenging one.

This show moves at a terrific pace, and the strange interplay between Emerson and Caviezal is compelling...and the real great thing is that this almost works as a halfway cross between a spy flick and a super-hero series; Reece even has something of a uniform in his black shirt and blue suit. The only thing that seems like an unnecessary appendage is Taraji P. Henson, playing a cop investigating Reece; her only purpose seems to be there to advance an overarc where Reece is a person who may have done very questionable things in the past.

I was engrossed in this story from almost the start, and this one will have to really go off the rails for me to stop watching.

Pan Am: Or 'We Want Some Of That Mad Men Money, Too.' Watched because I was promised Christina Ricci in one of those too-tight 60's era stewardess uniforms, I suspected this might be a disaster from moment one because it's trying to do what Mad Men does without all the sex and political incorrectness broadcast television is thoroughly incapable of doing....

"See?  We're retro!  RETROOOOOO!"

And, not surprisingly, artificiality is the order of the day, beginning with that virtual Pan Am terminal that serves as the main backdrop to the series. This series is in love with its virtual set technology...and since the CGI is sort of half-assed, especially when it comes to the helicopters and airplanes, we're always reminded that these are People Playing Dress Up. And that's what it is, because at its core this is a standard soap opera with standard soap opera storylines (someone sleeps with a man who didn't tell her he's married! Someone is involved in political intrigue! Someone has run away to escape her domineering family! Someone breaks off their engagement for mysterious reasons!) that hopes all the namechecking of early 60's stuff to convince us this is something more. Even the beatnik, politically involved character Christina Ricci plays doesn't spout any platitudes that couldn't be spouted today by some Emo college student.

Prime Time Soapers is one of my least favorite television genres. The reason Mad Men works for so many is the sense of their 60's as an alien land with different rules and mores'; visiting the world of Don Draper is no different than visiting Middle Earth in a way. This show does nothing with its setting, thinking that the setting is enough to make it unique...which is why I won't be back.

Terra Nova: Has Steven Speilberg ever had a successful television franchise? Okay, granted, they've all lasted two years or so, but that was mainly because it was in his contract. As a whole, I think most of Speilberg's bids at a television come off as cold and unappetizing, like a microwaved TV dinner you forgot about because of a phone call or something...

"You damn dirty ap--DINOSAURS!  I MEAN DINOSAURS--
better keep your hands off me."

And judging from its pilot, Terra Nova is keeping with that Speilberg tradition. If anything, it comes off suspiciously like a redo of Earth II, only with the 'another planet' trope swapped out with a distant past timeline...and it bored the Hell out of me. I watched over an hour of the two-hour pilot and nothing, but nothing surprised me or intrigued me. The only thing that made me pay attention was the presence of Stephen Lang, one of the key actors from my second-favorite TV show, Crime Story, playing a character I suspect was meant to be a nod of the hat to the Planet of the Apes franchise (he's even named Taylor, for God's sake). Lang is one of those actors, like James Spader, I would watch in anything...but he's a background character and the actors we're asked to follow are, well, dull. Not the cop father, not the mother, and certainly not the three children...

(And while we're on the subject of the family...the dad is white, the mom is East Indian...and yet only the female children seems to be of mixed parentage...do casting directors not pay attention to giving us a touch of visual continuity?)

I know what you're thinking--what about the dinosaurs? Well....they're CGI dinosaurs that look, well, sorta crap. They remind me of the dinosaurs we used to see in 90's shows like Sliders in that they look kinda like dinosaurs if you squint, but can never convince you they're real. And considering that one of the mysteries they seem to be setting up--figures that the one thing Speilberg picks up from modern television tropes is overarcs and mysteries--involves a possibly sentient dinosaur species, I have a bad feeling we've got a subplot ready to collapse due to bad special effects. And the other possible subplots--Taylor's missing son, a rival, less reputable faction called 'The Sixers'--are far too sketchy at this point for me to care.

Given that I have no empathy for the character, the premise, the overarc hints or the special effects spectacle, I'm not going to be back. Not even for Stephen Lang.

How To Be A Gentlemen: I did not expect to like this show, given my loathing for The American Sitcom and the CBS Sitcom in particular...

This Odd Couple style duo did not repel me as I thought...

But, God Help Me, I laughed. I found it amusing. Maybe not a new classic in the genre, maybe not the kind of sitcom that reaches the magic number of 100 that opens the gates up to Syndication Heaven...but I found it...fun.

A lot of it has to do with the main characters. David Hornsby's Andrew Carlson is truly something of an anomaly, a man who considers himself one of the last of the Gentlemen--and from the opening take-off on Batman, with Carlson suiting up and explaining his calling, it's obvious that Hornsby gets this character and has inhabited it thoroughly (not surprisingly, given that he created the show). He's definitely in the 'Urban Grotesque' mode that CBS likes to hand off to the flyover zombies in their sitcoms, but Hornsby manages to make Carlson human and relatable. More amazingly is the job he does on Bert Lansing, assayed by Kevin Dillion, who could have been a true monstrosity...but has heart and a desire to rise above his limited intellectual and class means. The fact that Bert decides to help Andrew out of a need to make amends for the way he mistreated him as a high schooler indicates to me that Hornsby is interested in making something more than that mix of smug anti-intellectualism, sexual smarminess and poop jokes that are CBS' stock in trade.

The main conceit is that Carlson has become a cultural dinosaur ill-equipped to function in the modern world, and that Bert is going to tutor him on being a modern man--a sort of reverse Eliza Doolittle situation. This could have been a typical anti-urban CBS sitcom, but what rises it up above the tatt of Big Bang Theory and 2 Broke Girls is the chemistry between Hornsby and Dillon and the fact that these two characters seem to have a general respect and fondness for each other. Their friendship seems genuine, and I feel these characters have a life outside of the thirty minutes of the episode...which is refreshing.

It's not that this show is perfect. For every good-to-great character (in addition to Andrew, I'd also add Dave Foley as his boss, Jerry, and Andrew's mother, Diane), there are some unrealistic grotesques, and Hornsby needs to work a little harder on giving his one-off supporting characters a bit more heft. But I'm encouraged by how much this show endeared itself to me, and I may be back for a second viewing.

 

sigh...sorry, Zoe...I must stop seeing you...

Week Two Continuations:

After a second episode even more moronic than the first one, I have dropped New Girl; the show is just too stupid for words, and there's something really twisted about the idea that the formula involves Jess being so incapable of functioning in the real world that her three roomies have to step in and stick up for her....Prime Suspect continues to dance along the wire; when she's investigating things, Maria Bello is able to keep things on an even keel. But then she's back to deciding whether to put no-slip frogs or clowns down in the shower, or once more interacting with her fiance's ex-wife (whose lack of realism makes me wonder if she wandered in from a Whitney script), and the episode lurches to a total halt. Plus that stupid fucking hat--bad fashion choices do not characterization make....

Next week--I don't know if we've got any more pilots until later this month (I am interested in the dueling Fables rip-offs), but I'll keep you appraised of my Week Three Continuations.

BRAVE VIEWED WORLD 2011 Edition Week One

It's the middle of September, which means the Broadcast Networks (are there 'broadcast networks' anymore, given how everything is all digital now?) are marching out their bright shiny new shows, hoping to lure us away from our cable addictions for a couple of months.

So what I've decided to do is take a look at the pilots of all the shows that even vaguely interest me--as you'll learn, many of these are looked at because, well, I once crushed on an actress contained within--and give you my impressions, ending with whether I plan on giving the show a second watch or not. This entry will be rather longish, but I imagine the next two or three weeks will be noticably shorter.

Alright, ramblers...let's get rambling.

2 Broke Girls: Much like NBC Thursday Night sitcoms of the late 80's and early 90's, CBS Monday Night Sitcoms have codified into their very own brand. To be specific, CBS Monday Night comedies are set in urban environments and posture like they're hip urban shows...when their real intent is quite the opposite. They're designed to let the suburban and flyover types know that they've made the right decision--that the people that society hail as sophisticated and intelligent are really freaks and weirdos. Hell, this network is so skilled in finding these shows that they managed to unleash one that makes geek culture out to be pathetic, stupid and contemptuously laughable--and yet has convinced the bulk of Geek Nation that it's actually a love letter to them.

Pretty girls laughing at you in a superior way...apparently
Bowling For Soup was right, and High School Never Ends.

Loving the significant other that shows us nothing but disrespect...that's the American way.

I say that to say this: 2 Broke Girls is definitely in that CBS Monday Night Sitcom mode. I decided to watch it based on my fondness for Kat Dennings, who has proven to be a clever and able actress...but this is one mean-spirited, cynical and nasty show (you know, much like the aforementioned Big Bang Theory, except this one doesn't have a Barenaked Ladies theme song). We're supposed to identify with Dennings' Kat because she constantly belittles and shows up all the hipsters surrounding her, but--much like BBT's Sheldon--her behavior is so unpleasant and rude that you can't get behind her. And her world is populated by grotesques--the tiny Asian owner of the diner, the salacious cook, the boho musician boyfriend who cheats on her--who seem to be there just so Max can gain points and 'woohoos' from the Fox News Drones who obviously make up the target audience of this slate of shows. The only character who seems to be genuinely pleasant and fun to see is Garrett Morris' cashier, and he has maybe four lines total.

And then there's the other Broke Girl, Caroline played with broad lack-of-appeal by Beth Behrs, who is obviously meant to be a broad parody of Paris Hilton (who is namechecked). It's painful to watch her try to breathe life into a cartoon, and the 'bonding' between her and Max comes off as forced. It's obvious to me that The Manhattanite Rich are the true freaks of this show...hell, Max even has a second job as a nanny to a second Manhattanite so we can get double the sneering laughter at how stupid and helpless and out of touch with Real Amurricans they are.

To be fair, this one doesn't raise my hackles up as much as Big Bang Theory did, and continues to do, but...fuck this show. I won't be back.

New Girl: This sitcom was apparently built on the idea that Guys Like Zooey Deschanel, not the least because she is pretty much Geek Nation's Ideal Girlfriend--hot, nerd-knowledgable, approachable and seriously quirky. I bet Ben Gibbard is glad he snapped her up before things got out of hand.

It's Zoeey Deschanel...smiling...in nerdette
glasses!  Must...resist...falling....

Here's the thing, though; throughout the pilot, I never got the sense that neither Deschanel's character Jessie or the three guys into whose impossibly spacious apartment she moves into are anything more than Quirks On Two Legs. I never felt this quartet of main characters had a life before the set-up, and the show seems to be in love with the strange habits of each one (Hey, Jessie likes to sing at inappropriate moments! One guy has anger issues! Another guy has a Douchebag Jar!). It's sad given the talent on display--not only am I a fan of Deschanel, I really liked Max Greenberg during his brief turn as a romantic interest on Veronica Mars. I laughed maybe twice, and I am feeling the same way about this I felt about Shit My Dad Said last year, where I was torn between wanting a weekly dose of Nicole Sullivan and not wanting her stuck in such a crap sitcom--I want to support Zooey, but I have a sneaking suspicion I don't want to spend a half hour every week with these cyphers. I may give it one more shot.

Unforgetable: My first drama, one I decided to watch because I was intrigued by the premise, and because I used to have a crush on Poppy Montgomery when she played coroner Ellie Sparks in the very short lived Kevin Williamson soaper-with-something-spooky Glory Days (which still has one of the best taglines of any television series ever: 'Welcome to Glory. Population...dwindling'). And one of the first things that strikes you about this series is how it conforms to CBS' Crime Drama meme. It's all there--the mood lighting, the mix of soft jazz and pop music as a score, the sepia-toned arty cinematography and echoey sound mix when it comes to flashbacks. You could swap out Montgomery and romantic and professional foil Dylan Walsh with any of the CSI groups without any disruption of the episode's flow.

"Wait...wait...is that Gary Sinese shooting up the block?"

And yet...there is definitely something about this show that is compelling. Most of it is how Montgomery's Carrie Wells is one of those people who seem to enjoy her particular talent; so many other crime dramas like this seem to delight in showing us how unhappy these people are with being unique, and seeing Carrie reel off facts and figures with that uniquely sexy smile on her face is simply fun. But I have to wonder if all there is. The twist in the mystery, quite frankly, was so thunderingly obvious you had to wonder why no one in the squad brought up the possibility and the overarc (because every single CBS Crime Drama needs to have their leads haunted by a Case They Never Solved) is still so sketchy as to be unreadable at this moment.

Whether this series succeeds beyond an initial thirteen week commitment rests on whether the producers managed to build a compelling enough structure around Wells; if all they're giving us is just another CBS Crime Drama with Poppy Montgomery--who, let's be honest, hasn't had to carry a show by herself before--they might find their watching populace...dwindling. But for the time being I'll give it an episode or two more.

The Office: Yes, it's not a new program, but it's the first one with James Spader in the driver's seat, so it's a new show to me. And, as anyone who listens to my podcast knows, Spader is one of my favorite actors. Hell, I put up with the miserable bullcrap David E. Kelley shoveled on my head during the four years of Boston Legal just to get a weekly dose of Spader-y goodness.

Beware James Spader and his enigma-stare!

Which brings us to this episode, and Spader's first turn as CEO of the titular office. I gotta be honest--I found the show thoroughly inpenetrable...but since Spader's Robert California seems to be a willful spanner in the works, intentionally finding ways to put everyone off balance to keep them on their toes in the name of 'positive reinforcement', it really doesn't matter that I don't know who anyone is. There's a certain joy in seeing California behave in this strange, enigmatic way that only Spader can pull off just to see how the people around him will react. So yes, because it's James Spader, I am going to watch some more.



Yep...only good thing in this show...



Whitney: This however....God, this show (watched only because it's between The Office and Prime Suspect) is a microcosm of everything I hate about the modern sitcom: people who just don't interact like real human beings and speak in great gobs of exposition, supporting characters who seem to have no life outside of the scenes they're in, plotting that's on the rails to the point of predictable...and all delivered by an actress who is admittedly hellacute (and fills out a naughty nurse outfit quite admirably) but seems devoid of charisma. Whitney Cummings has this weird habit of acting through her forearms--every statement is punctuated with this rotating of her hands outwards until they're at a right angle from her body--that is truly and sincerely annoying. It also doesn't help that the actor playing her boyfriend is thoroughly bland. I hated these people about five minutes in, wanted them all to die, and hope to never have to think about this show ever, ever again.

Prime Suspect: Admittedly, I wanted to see this pilot not because I was intrigued--even though I think Maria Bello is a Hell of An Actress--but because the rumor was that this was a legendarily bad first episode.

Don't look at me that way. Everyone loves a train wreck.

But...but...it's Maria Bello...in a funky hat!  Don't you wanna
watch now?

And to be fair, this pilot--directed by personal favorite Peter Berg--is not legendarily bad. Oh, it has bad elements to it, but it also has some pretty good elements to it as well. Once you get past the sweeping overhead shots of New York, there's a definite subdued look to the show with an emphasis on whites and earth tones. I also like how many of the actors surrounding Bello tend toward the subdued as well, as if they're trying to shore up the fact that this is a serious show. I particularly liked Aiden Quinn's turn as the Chief of Detectives.

However...there is a definite schism in how this series see itself, and only half of that schism works. When we have Bello waving around her gun to harass a taxi driver or blackmail her fiance's ex-wife into giving him visitation, the show just falls to pieces. On the other hand, when we have Bello telling a child who witnessed his mother's murder that she would help him kill the murderer or utilizes her knowledge of vice to exonerate a suspect, the show works. The show runner is really going to have to decide whether this is going to be a character drama where the characters happen to be cops or a 'case of the week' show...because as much as I disliked all the character drama stuff, I still think Bello could pull it off by sheer dint of talent, but being pulled in two directions like she was in this pilot, the show will never find its footing.

I am going to give this some more viewings to see if the producers resolve the show's schizophrenic nature.

Next Week...two pilots I didn't cover from this week, plus dinosaurs and Christina Ricci in a tight stewardess' dress.