Ten Statements About....DESPERADO (1995)

Yep...one of the hottest women in the world and Antonio
Bandares walking away from an explosion.  Nothing more
to say here, really..

"Easier to pull a trigger than play a guitar.  Easier to destroy than to create."

1) Even moreso than Sam Raimi and Evil Dead 2, Robert Rodriguez structures this film so that it can be both a sequel and a remake.  We do get flashbacks and dialogue callbacks to El Mariachi, but there are new elements that make it feel like its own movie.  Plus the presence of Carlos Gallardo in a very flashy cameo toward the end (that does not in any way contradict his character in the previous film) can make the argument that this is a parallel film in the same universe a valid one.

2) Watching this after watching Rodriguez’s later films in the same tradition like the Machete films, it strikes me that he has a much better balance of the outrageous and comedic elements here.  The humor never gets in the way of his intention to make a modern day spaghetti western reset in Chicano dress.  And speaking of humor....

3) ...as good as Antonio Banderas is, as good as Salma Hayek is, the true MVP of this film is Joaquim de Almieda.  Almieda’s Bucho has the unenviable task of being both a credible bad guy while also carrying the bulk of the humor, and he does so with grace and aplomb.  This film would have fallen apart if Almieda didn’t handle both aspects of Bucho well.

4) You know, the sexiest moment in the film is not the sweaty love scene of Banderas and Hayek rolling about naked (and don’t get me wrong...naked Salma Hayek is always a good thing), but the bookends to that scene.  The brief moment of Hayek’s Carolina helping Banderas play guitar, and the equally brief moment of her singing with eyes closed as Banderas prepares to defend himself are so easy in their sensuality that no amount of nudity can match it.

Is there anything more Rodriguez than a gorgeous Chicano
woman shooting a gun?

5) You wanna know how you can get your audience to accept something as insane and out there as a guitar case rocket launcher, Robert Rodriguez?  You pepper your movie with smaller examples of nuttiness so that when the insane moment shows up the audience is ready for it.

6) There are some moments in here that remind you that Rodriguez had a real painterly eye for compositions before he fell down the ‘all exploitation all the time’ rabbit hole...the moment where Banderas is stumbling down an alleyway, leaving brilliant smears of blood on the white adobe wall, is both horrifying and beautiful at the same time.

7) And I do respect how Rodriguez at this point in his career is not only aware of how ludicrous his action can be, he comments on it.  Just take a look at the parallel scenes from the first and second act of this film--first we get Steve Buscemi narrating an aggrandized, over the top gun battle, then we get Quentin Tarantino (why is it only Rodriguez can get tolerable performances out of QT?) telling a piss joke prior to an over the top gun fight that is awkward and obviously exhausting for all involved.  It’s an effective bit of metacommentary on his own style.

Yep...a mariachi with a rocket launcher guitar case...nothing
more to say here.

8) I do like the fact that this film is very much about grey areas, which is why it is at its core a spaghetti western (a burrito western?).  When not only one of the supporting characters, but the female lead are cooperating with Bucho, it changes our point of view on our hero’s quest.

9)  I really wish Steve Buscemi’s American had been given a larger role, simply because he provides the closest thing we get to a conscience for our POV character that none of the other characters can be because of their cooperation with Bucho.

10) I have to respect this film for deciding what it wants and then working out a way to logically make it happen.  Just look at how Rodriguez makes it so that he has the shot of Hayek and Banderas walking away from an explosion without it looking stupid, unlikely or cheesy.

Overall...a very good example of how you can feed your grindhouse belly without the story flying off thoroughly into fantasy land, bouyed by some excellent performances.

Ten Statements About....PLANET TERROR (2007)

Yep...a short Mexican, an Indian and two hot chicks sporting
guns...that's pretty much this film's aesthetic....

"Don't shoot yourself. Don't shoot each other. And especially... don't shoot me."

1) Man, I don't get why Rose MacGowan doesn't have a bigger career--not only because she's gorgeous (the opening go-go dance over the credits should be used as a tutorial for actresses who want to move like a stripper without actually, you know, stripping), but because she's genuinely funny.  Throughout this film, MacGowan's comedic timing is excellent, and many of her lines are laugh-out-loud hilarious.

2) ...although if I had to pick my favorite hot woman in a film stacked with hot women, I'd have to go with Marley Shelton's Dakota Black.  There's something about her eyes that thoroughly sends me, and her story arc (not to mention her strange...aptitude with her hypodermics) makes her a unique character even before Rose MacGowan's Cherry gets, ummmm, 'reloaded.'

(And yes, we will be getting to the Crazy Babysitter Twins...how could we not?)

3) I love the sheer chutzpah of Robert Rodriguez casting as his main bad-ass Carpenter-esque hero short, slight little Freddy Rodriguez as 'El Wray' (which may very well by a reference to legendary surf guitarist Link Wray)....but damn if Rodriguez doesn't live up to the challenge, moving through the film like a laid-back cheetah and handling both his action and his comedy scenes perfectly.  It helps that he has exceptional chemistry with MacGowan; even when he is mocking her, there is no question about the affection Wray has for Cherry.

4) The reason why I feel this movie is a more faithful example of grindhouse cinema even while Tarantino's Death Proof is a better film is how Rodriguez has a very 'anything goes' attitude.  There's a definite sense that he's shoveled in any crazy idea that once popped into his head when putting this film together--wanna see the hero shooting zombies while riding a pocket bike?  Done.  Wanna see a rapist's raping unit fall apart?  Done.  Wanna see the hottest woman on earth with a machine gun, grenade-enabled leg?  You got it!

5) ....and yet, there is a plan in Rodriguez' head, and he makes very deliberate choices to advance that plan, from the way discoloration creeps around a person when he's introduced to indicate his intentions are nefarious to the way the virtuous deaths (i.e. the ones we're supposed to feel bad about) happen off-screen, while the gratuitous deaths (i.e. the ones we're supposed to cheer on or be pleasantly grossed-out by) are seen in full view.  Hell, Rodriguez counts on us to pick up these connections so that he can just go nuts and get back to the crazy ideas.

No, wait...THIS defines this film's aesthetic better than
anything....

6) This is a film that is really, really splattery, with lots of grotesque practical effects.  That being said, the two moments of bodily violence that really made me wince are done with no real special effects.  The death of Dakota's son (played by Rodriguez' son) happens offscreen, with only the sound of a gunshot indicating that it has occured, and is made all the more harrowing due to Shelton's performance in this scene.  But for me, what happens when Dakota slips and falls while trying to open her car door while anesthetized is the single most painful moment of the film to watch.

7) There are moments where I think the film loses its direction during the final act, where the townspeople and the military people finally intersect.  This is the first section of the film where it starts sputtering in fits and starts, particularly in the jail cell and when Dakota and Cherry are appropriated by Quentin Tarantino's Rapist G.I.  It's the first time that we are no longer distracted by the parade of outrageous stuffage and start thinking about those big ol' truck-sized holes in the plot.

Ahhh, the beauty that is the Avellan Twins...and remember,
they're not Sickos...they're just crazy...

8) Even if the film wasn't good--and it is very, very good--I would love this movie if only because it introduced me to Electra and Elise Avellan, a.k.a. The Crazy Babysitter Twins.  These two are just insane in their small role, and they provide some excellent distraction in a moment when things are about to get very, very dark in the film.

9) Supposedly, Rodriguez had asked John Carpenter to do the score, but Carpenter was unable to do so at the last minute...which is fortunate, because I could not imagine anyone but Rodriguez doing the score.  The music's grinding skronk-guitar fits the film's aethetic perfectly.

10) I do wonder if there was a way to keep Josh Brolin's Dr. Black around longer.  Of all the villainous types, he's the one that makes the most impression with his performance and not with his face.  He creates a very spooky, chilling character who has this weirdly uncanny resemblance to Nick Nolte that helps shore up the idea that this is some forgotten New World Picture discovered in some back room in L.A. somewhere.

Overall...a film that properly captures the mix of gruesomeness and fun of low budget genre filmmaking in the 70's shored up by some excellent performances and a sharp, perceptive directorial turn by Rodriguez.

Ten Statements About....DJANGO UNCHAINED! (2012)

Yes, he is a free man and yes, he meant to dress like that....

"How do you like the bounty-hunting business?"
"Kill white people and get paid for it? What's not to like?."

1) Since this is a Quentin Tarantino movie, I appreciated the way he incorporates elements from the original Franco Nero films into the story.  Hell, I practically stood up in my seat when the Morricone theme (arguably the greatest movie theme of all time) came out of the speakers at the beginning, and pumped the air when Nero shows up for a brief cameo that passes the torch onto Jamie Foxx.

2) Even though Tarantino has had flirtations with other actors before, I have come to believe that he's found his muse in Christoph Waltz.  Just like with his portrayal of Landa in Inglorious Basterds, Waltz' Dr. King Schultz is a vivid character who seems to have his own weird code of honor.  And given how well he plays off of Foxx, he's a great characters who brightens the film as long as he's onscreen.

3) I think the real charm of Leonardo diCaprio's Candie is that while he does villainous things, an argument can be made that he may not exactly be the villain.  Yes, he does some hideously awful things, he has that subtle but gross incestuous relationship with his sister...but nothing he does is outside the law or mores of the culture he exists in.  It's only when Samuel L. Jackson's Stephen outs Schultz and Django that Candie becomes a monstrous individual.  Taken in this context, it makes sense that his role is relatively small.  And speaking of Stephen....

"You are supposed to be me? Funny...I do not look black...."

4) I have to wonder if Stephen is, in Tarantino's mind, the true villain of the piece.  Jackson's performance is extremely clever.  Judging by the way Stephen seems to shift in intelligence depending on who he's addressing, this seems to be a man who gives off an inferior facade to hide the fact that he's always angling to be in a superior position.  And give it to Tarantino that he doesn't give the character the redemption moment we are led to expect him getting at some point simply because of who is playing him and what his character is in the context of the world.

5) God bless Tarantino for continuing to use practical effects.  These wounds are splattery and messy, and doesn't have the sameness of CGI wounds in other films.  This carnage is so gross that you sort of understand why Django hesitates to kill one man in front of his son.

6) I know that some people have some problems with the humorous way Tarantino handles Don Johnson's Big Daddy and his proto-Klan buddies, especially the scene featuring Jonah Hill complaining about the hoods.  But that humorous element was vital.  There's so much grimness on either side of that sequence, especially when we start moving toward the Candie sequence, that those moments (and I'll fess up to laughing out loud at the whole discussion of whether to wear the hoods or not) are necessary to allow the audience to relieve the tension.

7) One thing that sort of niggles at me is how we never see the logical extension of what Django does at both Big Daddy's and the Candie plantations.  There is so much gravitas to the way Django dispatches the overseers at Big Daddy's that I expected the slaves watching him to rise up.  I can understand why the slaves wouldn't rise up at the Candie's initially--they do have Stephen manipulating them into thinking they should be good lil' slaves--but the ones at Big Daddy should be running around kicking all sort of white ass after seeing Django beat and kill their masters.

Look, Don Stroud...I know you were hot shit in the 70's, but
you don't mess with Christoph Waltz....

8) It puzzles me why Tarantino chose Kerri Washington to play Hildy.  Don't get me wrong; Washington is an excellent actress....but given how little play Hildy has in the film itself, it seems like a waste of her talents.

9) And speaking of talented actors...I am totally cool with Foxx as Django for about 95% of the film's running time.  But there's about 5% where Jamie Foxx The Personality steps out of Jamie Foxx The Actor and totally subverts all the work the latter has put into making his version of Django into a living, breathing character.  There are some moments where I can forgive it, like in the coda at the end, but some of the other moments in Act Two and the early parts of Act Three end up being discordant.

10) I was somewhat floored by the amount of celebrity cameos in this film; if it was made in the 70's, I could easily see it being marketed with one of those headshot lines showing all the big names in small roles in the film.  But without a doubt, the most pleasurable of these cameos for me was seeing John Jarrett of Wolf Creek as an Australian mining guy who is tricked into arranging for his own death.

Overall...an excellent western in the Tarantino mode that only makes me sadder that this may be the beginning of the end of his career.

I was at the Atlas again--they've now raised the price to ten dollars for a matinee, which is almost as expensive as the regular price--and managed to avoid the sludge that is the Firstlook.  What I did not avoid is the family behind me who brought both their infant child and their young son, who thought nothing of deciding to play a little Angry Birds about midway through the film; I really think there should be a parenting license in this country, don't you?   Not a lot of interesting trailers, perhaps the most intriguing being the one for Scary Movie 5--not because I wanted to see it, but because I was surprised the producers took this long to tackle the found footage genre.

Ten Statements About....FROM DUSK 'TIL DAWN (1995)

Do you know how much willpower it takes to look away
from Aztec Bikini Salma Hayek?

"I'm peachy, Kate. The world is my oyster. Except for the fact that I just...I just rammed a wooden stake into my brother's chest because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believein vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything is hunky dory."

1) You know, this may be the greatest Tarantino performance ever. Save for one speech at the beginning, he doesn't speak much, he gets frequently knocked around and coldcocked, and is killed halfway through.

Yep. Greatest performance ever.

2) How perverse is it that Texas Ranger Earl McGraw's first appearance results in his demise?

3) I love how Rodriguez and Tarantino cast some of characters against type--thus, George Clooney is a Parker-esque bad-ass, and Harvey Keitel is a disillusioned minister--and we're not even touching upon how two of the three Cheech Marin parts are waaaay against type.

4) Man, when Salma Hayek does her Aztec Bikini dance, its like the entire film just holds its breath. And that's how it should be.

Because plain ol' Danny Trejo wasn't scary enough...

5) Give it to Robert Rodriguez for finding a way to make Danny Trejo scarier--because what's scarier than Danny Trejo looking to fuck you up than a vampire Danny Trejo looking to fuck you up.

6) Speaking of Clooney's Seth and Keitel's Jacob--I really like how their relationship develops. Over the course of this film, these two men develop a respect for each other, and through this respect become transformed--Jacob by reconnecting with his faith, and Seth by slowly leaving his rage behind and becoming a somewhat better man...a better man that knows damn well not to drag Julliette Lewis' Kate down the pre-destined road he's on.

7) A lot has been written about how this film takes a sudden u-turn into horror territory after Salma's Aztec Bikini Dance. The reason I think that sudden switch is so effective is because Rodriguez and Tarantino keep both genres in their respective sections of the film...thus, the film starts finding its black sense of humor only after the change-up happens. Up until that point, it's a very tense little crime thriller with echoes of Of Mice And Men.

8) You know, I would love to know what a world would be like where Tom Savini never went into make-up and became a full-time actor...as I've mentioned when talking about Knightriders, he's genuinely good and in this film manages to sell some of the broader laugh lines. Plus, in this film, he manages to prevent us from laughing at loud over the fact he's named Sex Machine. That's gotta count for something.

Is it just me, or is some variation of this shot in every film
Tarantino has been involved with?

9) Man, once we reach the hour mark this film just gets super-gooey to the point of parody. And the funny thing is that, with all the gore when the cast is trapped in the Titty Twister, the most disturbing moment happens in a motel room where Seth discovers what his brother did to their hostage. Rodriguez just lets the scene play out, giving us little, quick-to-the-point-of-subliminal shots of what the room the Geckos are looking at looks like...

10) Give it to Tarantino to actually dispute his movie influences in this one--to the point where certain plot elements are taken from the literary sources. The whole 'El Rey' angle is something lifted whole from the much superior, but arguably unfilmable end of the Jim Thompson novel that inspired Peckinpah's The Getaway.

Overall...the kind of genre bending film I absolutely adore, a controlled scream of rage and panic that manages to keep things moving for its entire running time. Plus, you get to see George Clooney acting as a total bad-ass with tribal tattoos...and he knocks Tarantino out cold....

Hey, enjoy The Aztec Vampire Bikini Dance!

Ten Statements About....INGLORIOUS BASTERDS (2009)

Ahhhhhh!!!  Get it away from me...and the knife, too!

1) I don't understand the complaints about the film's talkiness--it's a Tarantino film; what do you expect?

2) Someone seriously needs to sit Quentin down and explain to him that Eli Roth should not be placed anywhere near a camera. Whether in front of it or behind it, he's incapable of being entertaining.

3) No matter what the nature of the story, it always comes down to film with you, doesn't it, Quentin?

4) I was pleasantly surprised by how Tarantino fit in cameos by Samuel L. Jackson and Harvey Keitel in a way where they were recognizable without drawing attention to themselves.

5) No, seriously...Quentin, Eli Roth sucks.

6) It's not surprising Tarantino spend so much time with Melanie Laurent's Shoshana--she has the same looks and presence as his last muse, Uma Thurman, and her subplot leads to what is my favorite image in the film, and maybe my favorite image in his entire oeuvre.

7) Okay...enough with the foot fetish scenes. We get it. Really, we do.

8) Even though it's clearly stated at the beginning of the film, I was still pleasantly shocked by how cool Mike Myer's performance was.

9) Christoph Waltz's performance as the main villain is thoroughly enjoyable, at turns charming and vicious, and--most important--a credible threat.

10) I absolutely adore how there's a supreme bit of misdirection at the top of the second act that leads to a complication that throws everything into another gear entirely.

Overall...I liked it.