Ten Statements About....DOCTOR WHO STORY SIXTY-TWO: THE SEA DEVILS (1972)

"At least I don't need a haircut, monkey boy."

"Why? What are they so hostile? What have we done to them?"
"Well, they still think of Earth as their planet, Jo, and they want it back. As far as they're concerned, man is just an ape that got above himself."

1) Oh Lord, does this serial drag. This thing seems to take forever to play out, and there are whole episodes that are literally twenty minutes of filler with three or four minutes of actual plot floating in the middle of it.

2) And the biggest part of the filler is, sadly, The Master. There is simply no reason for him to be in this story, and he seems to be there solely because, you know, Hey...we've got The Master. Episode Two, in particular, seems weighed down by the character's presence.

3) Is it just me, or do the episodes of this serial feature some of the lamest cliffhangers in the series' history. I mean...The Master throws a knife at The Doctor? A guy runs down the hall at our heroes who proves to be a scared man? A Sea Devil raises his gun but does not fire? These final moments fill me with ennui....

"I'm eating a sandwich while swordfighting...because eating
sandwiches while swordfighting is coo'..."

4) While I understand that since Barry Letts got the cooperation of the British Navy for this serial he felt the need to use them a lot, this is a story that sorely needed the presence of UNIT, and of the Brigadier.

5) There are elements of the Sea Devils I actually find fascinating. The way they seem to press hands together as a greeting and as a way of pledging loyalty, for example, or the elegant design of their weapons. Those elements sort of balance out the silly blue netting that serves as their clothes.

6) I know there are people out there who insist if I give Jo a chance she'll grow on me, but she doesn't here, being content apparently to stand around waiting to be ordered about. And she's the center of one particularly annoying bit of filler where a scene is stuffed with endless bits of silent pantomine. That scene takes up an extra minute and change of watching Jo at a window waving her hands about in random attempts at communication.

7) I usually don't mention much of Ron Grainer's synth-skronk heavy scores...but while I respect the attempt to do something different for this serial, the score is thoroughly annoying. All the seemingly random squeaks and shrieks and sonar pings just interfere with the episode, distracting us from the action at hand.

8) There are certain plot twists in the Letts/Dicks era that at this point simply don't work. The late introduction of a Government Asshat to inhibit any chance of a peaceful solution is pretty hamfistedly handled, and yet another 'Master Needs The Doctor's Help' moment falls flat because we know The Doctor isn't going to switch sides by now. They even bring out the ol' 'regional/rural comedy figure' trope in Episode Two, although thankfully the character disappears after that.

"Damnit, I'm The Master--I belong in every serial, even this one!

9) I don't understand what the whole 'summoning device' thing brings to the story. I mean, they already established in the first episode that the handful of Sea Devils we see in the story is up and about and wrecking havoc on ships that wander into their realm....do we really need the whole foderol with the prison and the Master and stealing electronic parts for building the signal device. Excising that angle saves us an entire two episodes, and since the only thing we get is some minor fun exchanges between the Doctor and The Master, well...I'm willing to give that up.

10) Maybe it's because The Doctor is separate from his UNIT supporting cast, or maybe it's because he's busy underwater while the Government Asshat is causing problems with the navy, but he seems a touch...softer in this serial than in the last two I've viewed. While I appreciate that some of that softening works--the whistful sadness with which he talks about the Master in Episode One is actually very effective--I missed the sharper edges of those previous serial. That softness will soften further later on, but right now it's just a niggling feeling that I don't care for.

Overall...overlong, overcomplicated and, well, for long periods boring, this is a four parter--hell, maybe even a three parter swimming in a six-parter bag. And even though there are some interesting elements, it's not worth watching for them.

Ten Statements About....DOCTOR WHO STORY FIFTY-SEVEN: THE CLAWS OF AXOS (1971)

"We had an agreement--it followed you home, YOU walk it!"

"There are tremendous advantages for humanity in Axonite."
"Yes, tremendous material advantages, but I doubt if even Axonite could increase the growth of human common sense."

1) Let me get this out of the way--I hate Katy Manning's Jo Grant. As opposed to Liz Shaw, Jo is a useless companion who's there mainly to rival Victoria as a living scream generator. Yeah, she's got a great body, but that steel wool voice just sets my teeth on edge, and the way Pertwee guides her by the hand (because apparently Manning was so blind without glasses she had no idea where to go) just makes her appear more like a child than a spy trainee. I have no idea why this companion is so popular; this serial doesn't give me any reason.

2) Here's why I seem to prefer my Doctors more aloof or arrogant like Pertwee and the two Bakers to friendly or kindly...because of Pertwee's impatience, even contempt, for humanity makes us believe the moments where he offers to collaborate with The Master to escape from Earth, or offers an alliance with Axos in exchange for revenge against the Time Lords. The way that arrogance informs even smaller moments (I love when he's saying goodbye to everyone in Episode Four, his statement 'Goodbye, Jo. You I will miss' seems dripping with sarcasm) drives home the point that The Doctor is just Not From Around Here, no matter how he looks.

3) Man, I wish the Brigidier was as much a hard man as he is in these Pertwee serials. When he threatens people at this point in that calm, clipped British voice, I believe it. And when he shouts, you know Someone's Shit Is About To Be Fucked Up.

4) I know there are some people who think this serial is aggressively mediocre...and I'll be the first to admit that based solely on the story it's a little lackluster. But what I think elevates this is the truly wonky art direction. We're at the point in the series history where color is still a bit of a novelty, and these guys go to town imagining some insane stuff. The tones are so luridly vivid I can almost see Mario Bava coming up with the sets.

THIS is what happens when you sleep in your contact lenses.

5) And while I thoroughly understand why The Axons never got a second story (their very schtick makes their usefulness limited), I really liked how they were developed. There's something really elegant in the way these aliens are envisioned--the simple bodysuits in the swirling pastels, the golden masks with the unnerving solid gold eyes all contribute to give these aliens a real flaver....even with the visible zippers in the back.

6) Similar to Statement 4, this is without a doubt a Who serial rooted in the 60's. Hell, it's the series' version of a Romero zombie movie in that We Fuck It Up For Ourselves. The Axons are a credible threat, sure...but it isn't until Chin starts doing his best Administrative Asshole and begins distributing Axonite everywhere that the threat becomes dire.

7) Ahhhhh, yes...The Delgado Master. Is there a more effortlessly charismatic yet viciously dangerous character in Who history? There is such a naturalism to Delgado's performance that it just shows up the artificialness of both Ainley and Simm. Even in this serial, where The Master is there just to facilitate the plot, Delgado just shines.

For several years, the Doctor thought his companion was not
hot girl, but a chimpanzee....

8) Boy, I get a kick out of Paul Grist's Bill Filer. Not just because Grist is doing a parody of and American spy in the middle of a British show, but because, well, he seems to be a lot more action oriented than resident James Bond stand-in Captain Yates. Hell, I even tolerate his vague flirtation with Jo...since I was hoping that when he returned to Washington, he'd take her with him.

(And imagine my annoyance that, when sometime does show up willing to take Jo away, he's even more of a nob than she is....)

9) Apparently, this was meant to be a six-parter...and Thank God it was cut. This is a very simple story--so simple that even in four parts there's a segment in Episode Three that appears a little stretched out for time. I have to wonder if this serial would benefit even more if it had been devised as a three-parter instead of the then-standard four.

10) And here's the second Pertwee serial in a row where Pertwee is trying to convince us he's being menaced by a tentacle....by wrapping it around him and squirming. It still doesn't work.

Overall...while there are some wonky elements, including some scenery chewing (I'm looking at you, Peter Bathurst), this is a very simple, well executed serial bouyed by the absolutely insane and vivid set design.