Ten Statements About....DOCTOR WHO STORY SEVENTY-FIVE: ROBOT (1974/75)

Oh, dear...I'm sorry...that's just...unfortunante...

"Doctor, you--you're being childish!
"Well, of course I am! There's no point in being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes."

1) And here we begin what I consider the true Gold Standard of The Classic Who Series--the reign of Philip Hinchcliffe as Producer of the show...which is kind of funny given that, at its core, this is a pretty ordinary story. Still, even at this early date the concept of the series as a Gothic Horror Show Set In A Science Fiction continuum is in place, as what we've got is the Whoniverse take on King Kong.

2) Whether you love him or hate him, the thing you can't deny about Tom Baker is that he owns the role of The Doctor from the very moment he appears. This is maybe my favorite of all the regenerations when it comes to seeing the new actor grow into the part (although admittedly Colin Baker's first minute or so as The Doctor in Caves of The Androzani matches it, only to be let down by the erratic, psychotic behavior of The Twin Dilemma, and Matt Smith approaches it in The Eleventh Hour), as we know exactly the kind of Doctor we're going to get for the next few years by the end of the first episode....

"So, Elisabeth...do we really have to bring that Harry
character along?  I mean, Ian Marter is a nice enough
chap, but still...."

3) ...and what we're getting is a Doctor who, breaking away from previous Doctor Jon Pertwee's vigorous and physical performance, prefers the cerebral and intellectual. In his way, Baker manages to fuse elements of all the previous incarnations (Hartnell's crankiness, Troughton's clownishness as a mask for brilliance, Pertwee's low tolerance for stupidity and deep loyalty to friends) into a more-or-less, unpredictable-bordering-on-unstable whole.

4) Okay...the actual Robot is, ummm, a bit silly looking. The way the chest and legs don't seem to join together, in particular, is especially goofy. However, Michael Kilgarriff does a heroic job in giving this very flimsy looking creature a great deal of depth and nuance solely with his voice and acting. He manages to keep the creature sympathetic while never letting us forget what a powerful monster he is.

5) You know why I hold Sarah Jane Smith in such amazingly high regard? Here we have the only companion in the classic era (in my mind, the only companion in the series history) that spans two Doctors and still has the same strong chemistry with both. And in this particular stretch that lasts this season and part of next, she's just as feisty and take change as she was with Pertwee. Hell, it's having her on the ship that makes Harry feel so inconsequential down the line of this season. And speaking of which...

6) I understand that Harry was created when Barry Letts and Philip Hinchcliffe had assumed that the Fourth Doctor was going to be an older man--but let's give Ian Marter credit; he manages to make the character into something interesting when coupled with Baker. In this story, there's a real 'Holmes and Watson' feel to the interplay between them...although after this, it seems like Harry becomes the 'bumbling screw up' that frequently gets the other two characters in trouble.

"Get used to this whole 'getting killed by a chroma-key effect,
Harry.  It happens a lot..."

7) It kind of saddens me that we're at the point where UNIT are shadows of their former selves. The whole bad-assedness of both The Brig and Sargent Benton has now been watered down to a point where they serve solely as The Doctor's chauffeurs. We'll only see UNIT a few more times between here and the classic series' end, and The Brig only a few more times...and his ability to kick ass without mussing that perfectly coiffed hair and mustache is sorely missed from here on out.

8) I admit it--I adore Patricia Maynard's Winters and Alec Linstead's Jellicoe as the bad guys. Not only are they deliciously over-the-top in their evilness, not only are their stand-in Nazi cred secure....you get a real sense of these two having a life before the story starts, and of a strange and twisted relationship going on between the two of them.

Yes...I'm thinking whips, chains, the whole nine yards.

9) I know that Edward Burnham always intended Kettlewell to be evil and unbalanced, and goes to great lengths to portray him as such...but even with this recent viewing, I never felt this character was all-out insane. I think his brusqueness and apparent contempt for unintelligent people screwing up the environment makes him strangely sympathetic...which makes his 'face turn' in episode three all the more effective.

10) Ahhhh....that final part. You know, when the Robot becomes....

Yeah.

There are some things the classic series should not have done with its limited--very limited--budget. What they attempt to make the King Kong simile work in the last episode is one of them. And sadly, we see them attempt something similar a lot better several stories down the pike with The Terror of The Zygons.

Overall...a rather average story that's elevated heads-and-shoulders above its deserved position by Tom Baker's braveau debut as The Fourth Doctor. Ignore the stupid elements and bask in one of the greatest 'statements of intent' an actor ever made to announce his presence as The Doctor.

Ten Statements About....DOCTOR WHO STORY SIXTY-NINE: THE GREEN DEATH (1973)

"Niiiiiiiiiiiiightmare fuel!"

"Perhaps it's all for the best."
"The Best? I think you'll find, Mr. Yates, that this is the worst day's work the world has seen for many, many years."

1) Oh. My. God. Is this thing preachy. Writer Robert Sloman seems so much more interested in talking about alternative fuels and the evils of corporate pollution and All The Things That Was In The Air Circa 1969 (never mind that it's some four years later) that the actual story frequently falls by the wayside...when it's not revealing itself to be much of a story at all. Like other 'issue' serials like The Sun Makers (Taxes are wrong!), the message gets in the way of what we want to watch Doctor Who for in the first place.

2) As someone who hates Jo Grant, you'd think I'd be happy to see the back of her...if only so much of this six episode serial is taken up by the romcom bullcrap that is Jo and her romance with Professor Clifford Jones, played by Katy Manning's then-boyfriend Stuart Bevan. From their awful 'meet cute' to the artificial 'complications to the stunningly bad endangerment sequence for the Professor in the last two episodes, this is a legendarily awful outgoing character arc in a series known for its awful outgoing character arcs. And a large part of why it's awful is because it takes up so much of the serial itself--take out the romance, and you've got a four, maybe even a three part story. For that matter....

"Here, Jo--I got you this crappy plastic crystal thing as
your wedding present."

3) Even taking out the Jo/Cliff romance, this serial is stretched out. As with all the six-parters I've rewatched so far, there are episodes that boil down to one thing that really doesn't contribute much to the story as a whole. Hell, episode two is literally all about The Doctor and The Brig searching for cutting equipment. If John Nathan-Turner did one thing right (he did a couple, to be fair), it was his abolishing of the six part structure when he became the producer several years later.

4) In critiquing past Barry Letts produced serials, I've been critical of their use of rural stereotypes. Maybe it's because this story is more obsessed with corporate stereotypes (which we'll discuss in a moment), but the rural types in this serial are much more successfully. They're more fully fleshed out, and a couple of them are actually pretty damn smart. And I especially appreciate how they may not approve of 'The Nut Hatch'--Professor Jones' commune--but they do accept them.

There are times like these when you wish your so-called
hero would just expire...but then we'd be left with the
annoying, squeaky doll-baby....

5) As with most Who serials, the special effects are a hit-and-miss thing. The long shot of the giant, disease-infected maggots (the 'Green Death' of the title) that are obviously tinted rice being knocked off a mound of dirt are pretty hilarious in their ineptness...but the more detailed models, apparently made from condoms and fox skulls, are really disquieting, especially when they snarl.

6) ...but that giant, ummm, dragonfly that one of these maggots morphs into is really, really silly looking. The damn thing looks like a pipe cleaner insect, and the fact that said insect chases The Brig and Sargent Benton around for the bulk of an episode....it's dire.

7) Of course, supposedly the major villain of this story is B.O.S.S., of whom I am not entirely happy with. While I really like the voice reading given B.O.S.S. by John Dearth, which has a lot of humor and nuance, the fact is this is another computer-gaining-sentient-evil. Not only is computers-gaining-sentient-evil a trope that was tired even back in 1973 (hell, I covered a more primitive version of B.O.S.S. in The War Machines), but the presence of this figure just doesn't contribute a damn thing. You don't need evil computers to foul up the environment!

8) And while we're on the subject--after five episodes of B.O.S.S. acting all chummy and corporate-y, we get this extremely rushed 'I wanna be Colossus: the Forbin Project' plot that gets literally shoved into episode six. It once again emphasizes how thin this story is, and is nothing more than a scrabbling to tie up all those loose ends with a lot of running around and explosions.

9) Look, I can buy the Pertwee Doctor getting all pally with Professor Jones. What I don't buy is how quickly and easily The Brig comes over to the side of The Hippie Tree Huggers (or in this case, Fungus Growers). It seems to me that this is Robert Sloman's sensibilities bleeding through to the point where already established characters are acting contrary to how they've been established as acting.

10) I suppose I should say a few words about the whole Metabelis 3 thing that takes up a large part of episode one, becomes a key gewgaw to defeating B.O.S.S. and is brought back to help finish another interminable serial, Planet of The Spiders. It...well, it is what it is, a plot device....although I think the whole Metabelis 3 sequence seems another attempt to stretch things out to unreasonable ends, especially given how the whole things seems built up just so we can get a lame punchline.

Overall...I know a lot of people hold this serial in high regard, but this is a bloated and sanctimonious serial that seems more interested in pushing its agenda on us rather than telling a good Doctor Who serial. Even dumping one of my least favorite companions does little to make me appreciate it.

Ten Statements About....DOCTOR WHO STORY FIFTY-SEVEN: THE CLAWS OF AXOS (1971)

"We had an agreement--it followed you home, YOU walk it!"

"There are tremendous advantages for humanity in Axonite."
"Yes, tremendous material advantages, but I doubt if even Axonite could increase the growth of human common sense."

1) Let me get this out of the way--I hate Katy Manning's Jo Grant. As opposed to Liz Shaw, Jo is a useless companion who's there mainly to rival Victoria as a living scream generator. Yeah, she's got a great body, but that steel wool voice just sets my teeth on edge, and the way Pertwee guides her by the hand (because apparently Manning was so blind without glasses she had no idea where to go) just makes her appear more like a child than a spy trainee. I have no idea why this companion is so popular; this serial doesn't give me any reason.

2) Here's why I seem to prefer my Doctors more aloof or arrogant like Pertwee and the two Bakers to friendly or kindly...because of Pertwee's impatience, even contempt, for humanity makes us believe the moments where he offers to collaborate with The Master to escape from Earth, or offers an alliance with Axos in exchange for revenge against the Time Lords. The way that arrogance informs even smaller moments (I love when he's saying goodbye to everyone in Episode Four, his statement 'Goodbye, Jo. You I will miss' seems dripping with sarcasm) drives home the point that The Doctor is just Not From Around Here, no matter how he looks.

3) Man, I wish the Brigidier was as much a hard man as he is in these Pertwee serials. When he threatens people at this point in that calm, clipped British voice, I believe it. And when he shouts, you know Someone's Shit Is About To Be Fucked Up.

4) I know there are some people who think this serial is aggressively mediocre...and I'll be the first to admit that based solely on the story it's a little lackluster. But what I think elevates this is the truly wonky art direction. We're at the point in the series history where color is still a bit of a novelty, and these guys go to town imagining some insane stuff. The tones are so luridly vivid I can almost see Mario Bava coming up with the sets.

THIS is what happens when you sleep in your contact lenses.

5) And while I thoroughly understand why The Axons never got a second story (their very schtick makes their usefulness limited), I really liked how they were developed. There's something really elegant in the way these aliens are envisioned--the simple bodysuits in the swirling pastels, the golden masks with the unnerving solid gold eyes all contribute to give these aliens a real flaver....even with the visible zippers in the back.

6) Similar to Statement 4, this is without a doubt a Who serial rooted in the 60's. Hell, it's the series' version of a Romero zombie movie in that We Fuck It Up For Ourselves. The Axons are a credible threat, sure...but it isn't until Chin starts doing his best Administrative Asshole and begins distributing Axonite everywhere that the threat becomes dire.

7) Ahhhhh, yes...The Delgado Master. Is there a more effortlessly charismatic yet viciously dangerous character in Who history? There is such a naturalism to Delgado's performance that it just shows up the artificialness of both Ainley and Simm. Even in this serial, where The Master is there just to facilitate the plot, Delgado just shines.

For several years, the Doctor thought his companion was not
hot girl, but a chimpanzee....

8) Boy, I get a kick out of Paul Grist's Bill Filer. Not just because Grist is doing a parody of and American spy in the middle of a British show, but because, well, he seems to be a lot more action oriented than resident James Bond stand-in Captain Yates. Hell, I even tolerate his vague flirtation with Jo...since I was hoping that when he returned to Washington, he'd take her with him.

(And imagine my annoyance that, when sometime does show up willing to take Jo away, he's even more of a nob than she is....)

9) Apparently, this was meant to be a six-parter...and Thank God it was cut. This is a very simple story--so simple that even in four parts there's a segment in Episode Three that appears a little stretched out for time. I have to wonder if this serial would benefit even more if it had been devised as a three-parter instead of the then-standard four.

10) And here's the second Pertwee serial in a row where Pertwee is trying to convince us he's being menaced by a tentacle....by wrapping it around him and squirming. It still doesn't work.

Overall...while there are some wonky elements, including some scenery chewing (I'm looking at you, Peter Bathurst), this is a very simple, well executed serial bouyed by the absolutely insane and vivid set design.

Ten Statements About....DOCTOR WHO STORY FIFTY-ONE: SPEARHEAD FROM SPACE (1970)

I'm sorry...I'm laughing too hard to think up a caption.

"Since UNIT was formed, there have been two attempts to invade this planet. We were lucky enough to be able to stop them. There was a policy decision not to inform the public."
"Do you seriously expect me to believe that?"
"It's not my habit to tell lies, Ms. Shaw."

1) This is the only serial to be done wholly on film--and, truth be told, I really like the look of it. Sure, the sound quality is kinda hinky at times, but it further emphasizes the spy movie feel of this period forced upon producer Barry Letts by the severe budget cuts.

2) And here's something else I love--Caroline John as Liz Shaw. She provides a much different companion to the standard, and she seems to work really well with the more arrogant and righteous Doctor Jon Pertwee is portraying. If The Third Doctor is The Spy World Time Lord, Liz Shaw is his Emma Peel, a peer he can relate to and feel comfortable around. While I can certainly understand why Liz was given the boot after this season (when you're as smart as The Doctor, there's no need for him to explain things to you)....it doesn't mean I think it's a shame she only lasts a season, especially given what Pertwee ends up with.

(And yes, Avengers fans....if Liz Shaw is Emma Peel, Jo Grant is 100% Tara King.)

3) Similarly, I can understand why The Autons never made the Royal Court of Monsters--their second appearance diminished them as credible threats--but damn, they're cool. And the fact that they're just ill-fitted human vessels for a psychic entity, they'd be so much easier to do on the shoestring budget. Pity their rampage on the streets on London happens so late, because they're pure nightmare fuel.

4) ..and to be fair, part of the reason I love the Autons so much is due to the efforts of Hugh Burden, who as Channing provides a creepy and effective face to the Autons and The Nestene Consciousness. And it's not just his performance--his plastic make-up is so much more subtle and disturbing than, let's say, the facsimile General Scobie that you're never quite sure until it's made clear in Episode Three whether he's fallen in with the Autons because he's an alien...or because he's really, really wrong in the head.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Shaw...but after this year, our mandate from
the U.N. requires us to replace you with an idiot with
bigger tits."

5) You know what doesn't work--and it's something that will plague the series throughout the Pertwee era? The weird obsession with rural humor that Letts and Story Editor Terrance Dicks seems to wallow in. The subplot with the poacher and his wife is painfully unfunny, and is totally unnecessary to the story. This kind of thing is doubly puzzling given how Pertwee is a talented comedian who infuses his serials with humor that's logical to the series proper.

6) Maybe it's because my initial exposure to the Brigadier was in those two Tom Baker serials where he doesn't do much--but man, does he come off as a serious bad-ass in this serial...and because he is such a bad-ass, the whole sense of The Doctor and Liz creating their own little circle of two in opposition to him gives the series a much different flavor...at least until the empty-headed doll-baby that is Jo Grant shows up next season.

7) While I understand the appeal of incorporating Madame Tussaud's into a serial about using plastic facsimiles of important government officials as part of a massive plan to take over the country, the whole concept makes no sense. Didn't someone at some point balk about the constant stream of politicians and military folks pushing out the celebrities and public personalities? And why did Channing and co. think hiding the comatose, flesh and blood Scobie in plain sight as a display? The logic problems caused by this angle outweigh the potential charm and atmosphere the wax museum scenes could contribute.

What tipped people off to the alien invasion wasn't so much
the weird pastiness of their faces, but their appalling
fashion sense....

8) The thing that strikes me about this first appearance of The Third Doctor is how there are moment where Pertwee reaches back to the earliest days of Hartnell to create a Doctor who's somewhat...contemptuous of humanity. Oh, sure, this Doctor is very civil, even friendly towards humans he knows personality--genuine warmth comes off him in waves when he first interacts with the Brigadier, and he takes a very quick liking to Liz once her intelligence is apparent to him--but he's not fond of us as a whole. There are even moments where he seems to treat the people around him like children, expecting them to fall for the simplest tricks. It's an interpretation that provides continuity while going off on its own--and I can see the seeds of my favorite Doctor, Colin Baker, in Pertwee at this moment.

9) While I appreciate the way the serial disguised that UNIT HQ at this point was just a parking garage, a utility closet and a local classroom...except for that point in Episode Four where it's rather obvious the soldier guarding the parking garage is...well, a mannequin (and not one that starts walking around in herky jerky motion shooting people with its gun-hand) dressed as a UNIT soldier.

10) Given that it was probably cobbled together from some cellophane, a glass eye, a fishtank and a bicycle pump, the Nestene Consciousness is actually pretty effective. I do wish that they didn't pull the whole 'hero tries to convince you he's being strangled by some phony-looking tentacles' trope, however.

Overall...A very cool little storyline that sets up the new status quo effectively, features a great new alien race, and has a lot of neat grace notes. Recommended.