Ten Statements About....DATE NIGHT (2010)

Okay, so their knowledge of the New York Subway system
is hinky....

"They stabbed a chicken nugget with a sharpie.  These are bad people."

1) This film would not work without the sheer primal chemistry between Steve Carell and Tina Fey.  The two of them have such a chemistry that you thoroughly believe that they are a long-standing married couple with two kids wondering if they're in a rut.  The way these two interact keep this movie moving forward even when it stalls and sputters.

2) ...and it's to the credit of John Klausner's script that it lets its leads behave awkwardly and out of touch, but never does it allow them to behave stupidly.  Just something as simple as going to the cops after their first encounter with the bad guys makes perfect sense.  It's these little niggling things so many other movies would ascribe to 'just go with it' that Klausner takes care to resolve, allowing us to move forward much more quickly and not get bogged down with the implausibilities.

3) I'll admit it....the geography of this film is real hinky, given how our heroes move from Soho to Central Park to Alphabet City to the Hudson River (they say it's the East River, but it's obvious the way that sequence was filmed that it's the west side of the city) and beyond in one night at breakneck speed.  And yet, unlike other films that mangle New York geography, the script is so effective, and the narrative flow is so fast-paced and smooth, that I didn't notice these discrepencies until after the movie was over.

4) Having seen other 'action comedies' recently that are clumsily constructed, I have to admire how the 'action' and the 'comedy' parts of this film are so well-integrated.  There is none of the herky-jerky stop and start flow that so many modern action comedies have, and each set piece moves into the next smoothly and without any sudden changes in tone.

"Yeah, Mila...I just figured what the Hell, I'll be a crackhead
petty criminal in this movie...looks like fun."

5) It does seem like cameos/small roles are de riguer for comedies these days, and the ones that appear here are much better than the average, from Ray Liotta’s gangster to Mark Wahlberg’s security expert, they’re well cast and well handled.  That being said...

6) I get the impression that as long as it interests or entertains him, James Franco will appear in anything.  His turn opposite Mila Kunis as the couple (named Taste and Whippet) Carell and Fey’s Fosters are mistaken for is a true highlight of the film--and also provides a mirror to their own status as being in a long standing relationship--but all the time the scene was unspooling, all I could think of was ‘what is James Franco doing here?’

7) No wonder Tajari P. Henson left Person of Interest, as her Detective Arroyo is practically to all extent and purposes the detective she played in this series, only a lot less serious...which means she was playing the same character for four years.

Sumptin' for da laaaadies....

8) There are some songs that simply should be banned from ever appearing on movies again.  Look, I love Jackie Wilson as much as the next person, but when they used ‘Higher And Higher’ as the outro it just screwed up what is supposed to be an up moment.

9) With the exception of a running gag involving vomit, I’m pleased that this film is relatively clean of that grossess-for-the-sake-of grossness that infuses so much of modern comedy.

10) It’s funny; as much noise as this film seems to make about Fey showing up in this stripper saloon girl outfit, there’s nothing that really tops how she looks in that simple blue dress.  The elegance of it just emphasizes what needs to be emphasizes.

Overall...a very clever action comedy bouyed by the chemistry of the leads, a clever script and some great casting.

Ten Statements About....AMERICAN PSYCHO 2: ALL-AMERICAN GIRL (2002)

Oh, Mila, Mila...couldn't you have found another DTV
sequel to star in?

“Okay, think about it.  I’m killing the few to save the many, sort of like Robin Hood."

1) One of the biggest problems with this movie that has many problems is how it simply cannot decide what it wants to be.  It seems like it wants to be as satirical and darkly humorous as the original, but it doesn’t have, nor want, the level of subtlety Mary Harron’s original possesses...and yet there are moments where you think director Morgan J. Freeman, or the script by Alex Sanger and Karen Craig (which totally missed the point of the original), believe they’re filming a genuine horror film.  It’s simply a mess....

2) ...and while we’re on the subject of Sanger and Craig’s script, the damn thing can’t even be consistent.  It goes through pains in the first act and change of the story to establish that this is all Mila Kunis’ Rachel’s point of view (even the scene that looks like it couldn’t be is later established as being seen through her eyes)...and yet they gleefully abandon this the moment they realize they have to firmly establish Geraint Wynn Davies’ ineffectual Dr. Daniels as a credible adversary as opposed to William Shatner’s Professor Starkman.  This is a script that doesn’t have the respect for its own world that it needs to have.

3) And speaking of William Shatner--my God, is he good as Starkman!  Shatner is the one actor who seems to be taking this mess seriously, and his performance is the most subtle I’ve seen him in years.  He’s definitely a high point in this film.

4) I really wish I could say the same for Mila Kunis, who is admittedly super-cute...but I think she takes the opposite tack of Shatner, overplaying it to the extreme.  There are a large number of moment when I swore Kunis was imitating Sarah Michelle Gellar at her Buffy-est worst, although I admit I could not tell if she was doing this for some sort of metatextual comic effect. And her monologues have none of the nuance and chill of Bale’s in the original, and are so broad they can’t even be interpreted as parody.

o

It's Mila Kunis driving a car containing a dead William
Shatner.  Your argument is no longer valid.  I guess.

5) There are two ‘twists’ in this braindead little film that are simply not set up in the least, one involving Starkman and one involving Rachel.  These things seem to show up solely because the writers need a little extra stuff to stretch out the running time.  It creates a definite sense of ‘making it up as you go along’ to the film.

6) ....but then, this is a film that’s so sloppy in its execution that it has Rachel murder people in broad daylight and in public places and nothing is made of it until the very end.  And I mean nothing.  It’s not until Dr. Daniels goes to the world’s most ineffectual sherif’s department that anyone thinks anything is wrong.

7) Oh, that fucking soundtrack.  Yes, the original featured a soundtrack that could be obtrusive at time, but that was primarily to reinforce the film’s sense of place and time.  This soundtrack of alt-rock songs keeps intruding on us, as if it’s afraid that we can’t figure out the nuances of the movie without it.  Hell, I like some of the bands on it, but not when they suddenly intrude on every single scene in every single moment.

8) You know how this film annoys me right from the start?  It shows that the writers had no understanding of what the original film was about by ignoring the revelation of the ending and reducing Patrick Bateman to just a normal serial killer.  By hinging the premise of the film on that assumption, it makes the whole film spurious.  Now there is a (very) brief moment where it looks like the writers are going to play on the original film’s conceit, but that moment is discarded immediately so we can return to the too obvious plot.

Look, you know this is the only reason you're considering
watching this movie, so here's another photo of her looking
cute.

9) You know, the biggest problem with Wynn Davies’ Dr. Daniels as the film’s hero--besides the fact that he’s totally ineffectual (and morally wreckless) as a psychiatrist?  He seems to be an after thought.  There’s a strong sense that Starkman should have been the hero of the film, a sense that’s bolstered by Shatner’s performance...but after he’s given his pass out of the movie in an actually pretty good scene, Daniels is shoved into the hero role by default.  And considering the character has not displayed anything to feel positive about, what we can laughingly refer to as the film’s momentum is stopped cold.

10) Okay, this is an unrated direct-to-video sequel, right?  Then why is it so bloodless.  Not that I’m saying gore would have saved this movie, but it seems weird that we don’t get blood and ick in a film as aggressive about its mayhem as it should be.

Overall...a worthless, annoying film that seems to scream and run about like a toddler on a sugar high.  Supposedly, Mila Kunis is embarrassed by this film, which only proves to me that she has a good head on her shoulder.  Avoid.  Avoid a lot.

Ten Statements About....FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (2008)

Wow...two of the hottest women ever, and I still find the guy
in white the most entertaining...

"Excuse me. No, I haven't had anything to drink today. Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces and so my cock doesn't want to be around you anymore! Okay?"

1) Before anyone thinks that the only reason I like the film is because it features The Beautiful One in various states of undress (including, in one scene, total undress)...this is the film that made me believe that Jason Segal is a true talent, both as an actor and as a writer. This is an incredibly clever script, and rewatching this now I'm struck by the number of subtle clues laid out in the first few minutes to major plot points down the line.

2) You wanna know how good a writer Segal is? He manages to make me like that miserable, evil little snot Russell Brand. In his hands, Aldous Snow is certainly the kind of self-centered, inconsiderate man-child that Brand seems to only be able to play (y'know, kinda like Adam Sandler, only without his depth)...but with a sense of obliviousness to his meanness and a genuine desire to be a good guy infused in it.

Yes, I'd enjoy watching Russell Brand suffer...but then
he went and married Katy Perry and I realized he's prolly
suffering enough....

3) At the risk of making this the 'Jason Segal Knows How To Write' edition of 10 Statements...look at how generous he is with all the characters in this film. A lesser writer (I'm looking at you, Danny McBride) would have made this into a vanity project, but Segal seems to delight in giving other actors the best lines, even extremely minor ones.

4) I find it interesting that this film utilizes its Hawaiian backdrop as a contrast to Segal's Peter personal angst, but also as a place for people to escape from their lives...the former to accentuate the humor of discomfort inherent in Peter's experience, the latter to accentuate the message the film is presenting of not allowing the past to inhibit your desires.

5) Wow...I never realized how many Muppet references Segal slides into this film. It certainly puts his decision to write a new Muppet movie in context, doesn't it?

6) This is the film that made me realize that Mila Kunis is a) wicked hot and b) has one of those rather cool screen presences that puts you at ease...yes, she's wicked hot, but she also seems very round-the-way and approachable.

7) Another genius thing about the script--there is no bad guy here. Even Sarah Marshall, who is arguably the worst person on display, has her moments--when she makes an excuse to talk to Kunis' Rachel to tell her how good a guy Peter is, for example. And when she gives her reasons for leaving Peter, her reasons not only make sense, but they're justifiable given what we saw of him before the break-up.

Scenes From My Worst Nightmares #268

8) Even though there are a lot of fun side characters here, my favorite bar none is Da'Vone MacDonald as Dwayne The Bartender. When he starts insisting that his life is so much better because he knows 200 kinds of fish...then proceeds to prove it, it cracks me up every time.

9) And there is a rather decent message about not letting your past inhibit your future. By moving past Sarah, Peter realizes his goal (after some difficulties, which results in a song called simply 'Psychiatrist' in the credits, and is another highlight) and finds success...and Rachel decides to pursue her own goals as well.

10) Okay, okay...I know what you want to know. Yes....Kristen Bell is yummy.

Happy, now?

Overall...one of my favorite recent rom-coms thanks to an extremely clever, sensitive and subtle scripts, a great setting and some excellent laugh lines. Plus Kristen Bell. And in my eyes, Kristen Bell is always good.

Ten Statements About....BLACK SWAN (2010)

Yes..I'm using this picture to get you to read this review...

1) Gee....give it to Darren Aronofsky to take something beautiful, elegant and eloquent and turn it into something dark, twisted and disturbing.

2) My best friend Derrick Ferguson has been quite outspoken about how cold and robotic he finds Natalie Portman. But here, Portman's admittedly chilly looks and presence works for her...in fact, I'd posit that the film needs someone with that lack of surface work for it to work at all.

3) Even though there are some digital effects utilized to reflect the changes that are being wrought by Portman's Nina, the best effect in the whole movie is her ragged breathing, which acts as a sort of Greek Chorus the deeper the character spirals into a darker place.

4) Aronofsky effectively demonstrates the punishment a ballerina puts herself through in the early part...which gives the later moments of body-horror-esque transformation an air of naturalness.

5) The thing that makes casting Mila Kunis as Lily so genius is that at certain angles she does look very, very similar to Portman, but a much warmer version of her...and it makes the moment where Aronofsky seems to want us to question whether Lily is real or an aspect of Portman's splintery personality truly effective. The same goes for the casting of Barbara Hershey as Nina's mom.

"...wouldn't you like to find out how someone as gross as I
got to bag Monica Belluci?"

6) Boy, does Victor Cassel look like a thorough freak, no matter how many times Kunis purrs about Portman being 'hot for teacher'...but then, he goes home every night to fuck Monica Bellucci, so he's got something going for him.

7) There's something truly disturbing about watching Winona Ryder, whose Beth can be seen as a reflection of her own crazy behavior in the past, screeching at Portman--and later stabbing herself in the cheek repeatedly with a letter opener.

8) I have to wonder if Aronofsky had seen Roman Polanski's Repulsion and The Tenant before writing this script, as there are some faint echoes in the story, and in Portman's performance.

9) The film seems to be shot on a grainier film stock. Hell; I swore some scenes were shot in 16mm. It gives the movie a sombre, groggy feel that emphasizes the weirdness when things go out of control.

I didn't know Gene Simmons was playing the Met...no, wait...

10) It does help greatly that both Portman and Kunis have a dance background, and that they're friends in real life. It makes their interaction, both antagonistic and otherwise, ring true, and the fact that they did many of their own dance scenes add to creating a world that feels right.

In short...this was a really freaky film, one that actually kept me speculating until the end about the nature of the people interacting with Portman. A recommended film for someone interested in psychological horror that doesn't descend into knifeplay.

I saw this at the AMC Kips Bay as a break from finalizing my Christmas shopping--including gift cards for my mom and a pair of navy New Balances for myself. The trailers were mainly of the higher-end stuff, and featured some more creative handling of things. I admit to being somewhat intrigued by Water for Elephants, if only because I can't imagine Robert Pattison and Christoph Waltz existing in the same universe, let alone in the same circus, and The Tree of Life because it's the latest Terrance Malick. Oh, and they led off with another Sucker Punch trailer, which continues to get my blood pumping with its bizarre otaku wet dream feel.