Ten Statements About....PATRICK (1978)

He's got...Marty Feldman eyes (and one Hell of a unibrow)...

1) While it’s obvious that this is notorious Australian producer Anthony Ginnane’s rip-off of Carrie, let’s give screenwriter Everett DeRoche and director Richard Franklin an A for effort in doing their best to make it something unique in and of itself without losing sight of what they’re supposed to be doing.

2) Boy, are all the guys in this film dicks.  Whether we’re talking the husband who tries to play rape Susan Penhaligon’s Kathy or the Cosplay Jim Carrey boyfriend who brags about their sex life to a cop or the doctor who casually kills a frog to make a point, they’re an unpleasant assortment of characters.

3) The spitting angle is unintentionally silly, and is thankfully downplayed when Kathy unintentionally speaks one of the film’s funnier lines.  Besides, the angle where Robert Thompson’s Patrick communicates with Kathy via the electric typewriter is way creepier.

4) While I don’t think it’s as much of a liability as in other horror films, this is a very long, very slow moving film.  Franklin seems to be more interested in creating atmosphere than moving the story along, resulting in some grinding of the plot.  If it lost roughly five to ten minutes, it might be improved.

Somebody used that Real Doll a bit too hard....

5) ...and my nominee for what could be lost are those involving Rod Mullinar’s Ed being stuck in an elevator.  It happens suddenly at the beginning of the second act, and we’re frequently treated to cutaways of him sitting around in this elevator with his hands bandaged thanks to a previous burn scene.  Those scenes take up what seems to be an awful lot of time in that third act, and could be cut as many of the scenes around them conveys the problem Kathy faces in locating Ed.

6) It’s a little thing, but those weird, almost comical sound effects that sometime accompany the manifestation of Patrick’s powers distract from the film as a whole.  The sound effect accompanying Robert Helpmann’s Dr. Roget trying to take an axe to the door of Patrick’s room is unintentionally in its ‘boingcrackle’ hilarity.

7) Keeping in mind that Franklin probably never expected his film to be viewed in a high definition format, some of the practical effects just don’t hold up.  There’s a dummy in particular, the after effects of an electrocution, that looks like, well, a not very convincing replica of the woman who is electrocuted.

8) I really have to wonder how much of Patrick is Robert Thompson, and if there was a dummy involved.  Thompson is only required to move/react for maybe two minutes and the rest of it is Patrick lying in bed literally staring into space.  If that performance is all Thompson, it is impressive.

Don't try to win a staring contest with Patrick...

9)  Okay, I get that Penhaligon was English, and Ginnane and Franklin tried to make the film sound less Australian for international markets....but she sounded Australian, which made the whole ‘first time working in this country’ thing make no sense.

10) While I’m sure Franklin intended the electrocution death to be the big scare, the one moment that made me jump was much more subtle, involving Dr. Roget and a frog.

Overall...a fairly interesting film (and a historically important one given its place in Ozploitation history and the career of Franklin) that may be deliberate in its pace but does manage to entertain.

Ten Statements About....LINK (1986)

When an ape loves an actress.....

"He missed the bus by a lousy one percent. That one percent counts for all of human civilization, the entire history of art, music, science, literature...everything you're willing to give up on so you can go away and live with badgers."

1) Given the way this film shakes out, accompanied frequently by Jerry Goldsmith's rather...circusy soundtrack, I really have to wonder if somewhere down the line of this production it was meant as a black comedy.

2) Even though it's very obvious that Terrance Stamp's Dr. Phillips is done away with fairly early on, it's to director Richard Franklin's credit that I didn't accept that his character wasn't coming back until I realized over thirty minutes had passed with just Elisabeth Shue inteacting with an orangutan and a chimp.

3) While there is some references to Dr. Phillips experimenting with...something...to stimulate Link's intelligence, the genius is that Link's behavior can be explain within the realms of actual ape behavior. He's exceptionally clever in terrorizing Shue's Jane, and is obviously acting out of self-preservation, but he's still emotionally just an animal motivated by animal instinct.

Thankfully, the sport of monkey pulling didn't catch on....

4) I know Link was played by an actual orangutan named Locke at times...but Locke was an exceptional actor. There are moments in this film where you see the actor reacting with a twist of its lips, or staring with these weird, soulful eyes where you swear he's in the scene, not just reacting to a trainer offscreen. And speaking of that monkey...

5) Naked Elisabeth Shue being peeped on by itself would be creepy...but Elisabeth Shue trying to persuade Link to go away as it stands in the doorway naked staring at her frankly...brrrrrr.

6) There is no reason whatsoever for Steve Pinner's David and his mates to be in this movie, except to show up in the third act and provide Link with some extra victims to slaughter. Although, admittedly, it was cool that Franklin thought to reverse the usual trope by making Pinner the Girl School Screamer and Shue the hero who saves him.

7) I find it fascinating that this was produced by Dr. Who's Verity Lambert when she was heading EMI during its disastrous final days. And knowing this was typical of the films that Lambert greenlit during her tenure explains a lot.

"You wanna piece of me?  Well, do you?  DO YOU?"

8) I was struck the many, many tracking shots through and, in one instance, over walls. Sometimes it's to give us a 'beast eye's view' of Link's activity, but overall it gives the film a definite whiff of giallo to it...which, to be fair, is a change of pace from Franklin's usual Hitchcock love.

9) I'll admit it--even with the really, really obvious fake rottweiler after the fact, Link's murder of the animal in defense of Jane during the early part of the second act is pretty shocking, and maybe is the best scare of the film.

10) I love how Stamp gives Shue a list of rules...which Shue promptly violates quickly throughout the film. But then, if she wasn't on some level a dumbass, there would be no film.

Overall...a weird, weird film, very unlike the other entries in Franklin's filmography. I don't know if it would work for everyone, but if you're in the mood for something offbeat, you might want to give it a look.

Plus, 80's era Elisabeth Shue--albeit a seriously deglamourized one. If you grew up during the 80's, that might be enough.