Ten Statements About....IRON MAN 3 (2013)

There's narcissism, and then there's this...

“My suit was never a distraction or a hobby. It was a cocoon. And I'm a new man now."

1) Even though the bulk of the plot is taken from Warren Ellis’ ‘Extremis’ story and we get a couple of head nods to John Byrne’s Telepresence Armor, there is no doubt that Shane Black is channeling David Michiliene and Bob Layton’s landmark runs on the book.  So many elements from the story are from that run, even if some of them are tweaked a bit.  In fact, the whole film has the feel of those issues where Michiliene and Layton concentrated on how cool and resourceful Tony Stark is by depriving him of his armor for long lengths of time.   Hell, there’s even a shout out to Mrs. Arborgast in one scene!

(Although I am surprised that the list of comic creator thank yous didn’t include Len Kaminski, who created not only War Machine, but the Hulkbuster armor.)

2) Boy does this film move.  Unlike with its predecessor, Black makes sure that even the slow moments feed directly into the plot, keeping everything clicking along.  This creates a smoother viewing experience and avoids the clunky start-and-stop feeling that Iron Man 2‘s second act had.

3) I’ve said it when Iron Man 2 rolled around, and I’ll say it here--Don Cheadle was 100% an upgrade over Terrence Howard.  Not only do the two feel like friends throughout (the scene of them hanging out in the first act has a casualness that Rhodey and Tony never had in the first film), but Cheadle is absolutely bad-ass when the third act rolls around, coming off as a hyper-cool Felix Leiter to Tony’s Bond.

4) The reworking of The Mandarin--arguably the furthest away any element from the comic gets in this film--actually makes a lot of sense, even if that reworking ends up being played for laughs at one point.  Ben Kingsley manages to make both aspects of the character make a lil’ sense...although I will admit I find it hard to accept that the character is as oblivious as he is portrayed at one point.

"Who said I wasn't hot?"

5) Another character who seems to have two (if not more) aspects is Guy Pearce’s Aldrich Killian.  Pearce manages to disappear into the role to the point where I didn’t recognize him throughout (although, to be fair, it’s not like Pearce has been in much of anything in the last handful of years), and I find it amusing that he acts more like Justin Hammer than Justin Hammer did in the last film; the scheme he’s enacting is extremely in keeping with Michiliene’s version of Hammer in the 90's.

6) I respect how Black manages to shear away a lot of the ‘Phase Two’ excess (save for the end-credit stinger) so he can concentrate on the core group of Tony, Pepper, Rhodey and Happy.

Yes, Happy.  Maybe because he’s no longer directing, Jon Favreau gets a real sorta story arc, and for the first time we feel that he’s more than just an employee, but a friend.

7) ...and speaking of the core group...man, is Gwyneth Paltrow hot in this film.  Freed up from the weird bickering-for-bickering’s-sake of the last film, Paltrow is able to build on the chemistry with Downey, making their relationship feel truly real.  It’s also refreshing that Tony and Pepper actually talk about significant things, and not stuff like whether she’s allergic to strawberries or not.  Granted, there’s that weird thing they do to her that is sort of swept under the rug in the coda, but the bulk of her appearance in the film bolsters the relationship between the two of them.

8) Since I raised the subject of humor, I’m pleased that the humor in this film is organic, coming from the characters and what we’ve learned about them.  Black allows Tony to be a lil’ bit of a dick--sometimes really extremely when it comes to his interaction with the young boy who’s his sorta sidekick in a major part of the second act--without letting him get Joe Quesada level out of hand.  And he also has fun with Stark’s celebrity status.  But these jokes are natural, and never get to the forced level of the previous film.

If you were a fan of David Michiliene' run...you'd know why
I mark out at shots like this....

9)  I appreciate the fact that Black does give Tony’s story arc, an arc that’s been building since the first film, a satisfactory resolution.  If it turns out that this is the last Iron Man solo film, or the last solo film to feature Downey in the lead role, at least there’s a sense of closure to the trilogy.

10) I enjoy how Black finds many ways to create action sequences with Stark where he has limited access to the suit.  All of these fight scenes are creative, and leads up to the whizz-bang finale which evokes a major part of the Michiliene/Layton run and provides us with a massive adreneline rush of fun in the end.

Overall...while I did enjoy Iron Man 2, this is an improvement.  Shane Black manages to create a successful film that builds on th previous entries while giving us somthing new in the spectacle department.  Recommended.

I ended up going to the Atlas for an 11 a.m. show that was, well, packed to the gills.  Among the eight trailers we were assailed with were ones for The Great Gatsby (which I truly do want to see, and not just because there’s Carey ‘Sally Sparrow’ Mulligan in flapper gear), Man of Steel (which encourages me in that it seems that Zack Snyder is playing Superman as a bright light in a dark world), After Earth (where I’m positive M. Night Shamalyan is going to pull the same trick with Will Smith he pulled with Bruce Willis), Star Trek: Into Darkness (I don't care if Benedict Cumberbach is the bad guy; fuck you, J.J. Abrams) and Catching Fire (which is obviously not for me, but I am so grateful that this teen series has more to say beyond ‘hey, it’s important to have a boyfriend, even if he’s dead’).

Ten Statements About....THE REPLACEMENTS (2000)

"And when I grow up, I's gon' be a football player!"

"Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever."

1) Keanu Reeves, quarterback. Yep. That's like me making a football movie now and casting Justin Beiber.

2) But then, I shouldn't be surprised, as this is one of those films where there are two or three 'characters' and a whole slew of types. This movie is technically all about Reeves' Shane Falco and Gene Hackman's Jimmy McGinty. Everyone else in the film, from the cheerleader romantic interest to the team owner right on down to the kicker is a broad stereotype given only the lightest strokes to convince us they're flesh and blood and not artifice and laziness.

3) The one who makes the best of his underwritten role is Orlando Jones' Clifford Franklin--but that's mainly because Jones is able to infuse the caricature he's given (He's a starstruck wide receiver--and he can't catch! Hilarity!) with the same sort of manic energy that made him a standout on Mad TV. He becomes one of the stars of the film not because of the way Franklin is written, but because what he bring to the table is infectious.

"It's not so bad...in ten years, you'll be the A-List Director of
Iron Man, and I'll be The Lizard."

4)...and to be fair, there are other actors who try...really try...to overcome their underwritten roles, and there are moments when they succeed--like when Faison Love and Michael Taliferro do the little football dance when they're hired--but most of the time they fail. It's kinda painful seeing decent actors like Troy Winbush and Jon Favreau struggle to make a silk purse with the sow's ears they've been given.

5) The script by Vince McKewin tackles the unenviable task of trying to make scabs crossing a picket line the heroes by overcompensating. Thus, all the striking players are played so broadly evil (especially Brett Cullen's Eddie Martel) that they're unbelievable cartoons.

6) And speaking of Martel, we keep hearing about how he's one of the best quarterbacks in the league, and how he won two Super Bowl Rings...and yet, when we see him play, he's a total incompetent. I have to wonder if that's because they wanted to make Falco look better than he is, or if it's just that Howard Deutch doesn't know shit about football.

7) You know what else this is? This is one of those films where plot developments just happen because they have to happen, which creates strange disconnect like, let's say, Martel jeering Falco about his relationship with Brooke Langton's Annabelle when there's no way he could have known about it, or the way the strike is proclaimed over with no warning halfway through the climatic game, or the way Rhys Ifan's Nigel understands that the appearance of three generic thugs in the stands means he has to throw the game, or...

You get the idea.

8) It is so fascinating watching Howard Deutch trying to film convincing football scenes when it's obvious he doesn't know anything about football--and it's fascinating and funny to realize Deutch was working with an actual football coach as a consultant for those scenes.

Cheerleaders that are strippers--COMEDY GOLD!

9) You know what else this is? This is one of those films that has so little confidence in its audience that it stacks the deck for every major development until said audience drowns in its intentions. Thus, when Falco and Annabelle finally get to acknowledge they want each other, we not only get a scene of them looking at each other longing ending in a deep kiss, we get The Police's 'Every Breath You Take' on the soundtrack and John Madden doing a play-by-play that is supposed to 'ironically' mirror the romantic action. It's this sort of overkill--especially when it comes to how the film utilizes its pop music soundtrack--that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

10) And then there's that weird ending voiceover Hackman gives at the end about the replacement players weren't going to get a sneaker endorsement or anything, but their participation in greatness would stick with them. It seems arbitrary (to be honest, it seems like it was added on after a test screening) and intrusive when the closing montage should have been sufficient to close the book on this film.

(and let's not forget that in the real world, a couple of these players would get signed by the NFL, much as refugees from the XFL and Arena Football found spots with teams)

Overall...This is a prime example of Film-As-Product, something so forced and broad that there's no room for audience insight or interpretation. Every time I watch it, I wonder why I still enjoy it...but I do.

I guess sometimes you want a piece of product as a switch up from all the actual, you know, movies you usually ingest.

Ten Statements About....IRON MAN 2 (2010)

I'm Robert Downey Jr. and yes, I Am Coo'....

1) Jon Favreau and writer Justin Theroux have their hearts firmly set in the Michiliene/Layton run of the book, from the usage of personal favorite Justin Hammer to the way they mash-up elements of both the 'Demon In The Bottle' and 'Paralyzed' storyline to form the main storyline.

2) I don't care what anyone says...replacing Terrance Howard with one of my favorite actors, Don Cheadle, to portray James Rhodes represents an upgrade. The chemistry between Cheadle and Downey is stronger.

3) As someone who used to live a mile from Flushing Meadow Park, I love how Favreau managed to use all the recognizable landmarks to make up his Stark Expo...and then just as gleefully decimates them.

4) There is something truly eiree about how much Scarlett Johanssen resembled The Black Widow, and I found the scene where she goes all Old Boy on a corridor of Hammer guards fun--especially given how we can gauge her quickness by comparing her progress against Happy. Wish they would have allowed her to use her widow's sting through her gauntlets, though...

Do I even need to justify why I used this
photo?

5) Just as Favreau mashed up two storylines to create Stark's character arc, I like how he mashed up The Crimson Dynamo and Whiplash to create a more low-tech but just as scary menace in our man Vashenko....

6) Yes. I did squeal like a little girl when Tony put on his suitcase armor...why do you ask? It was part of a whole bunch of fan service that didn't seem forced or out of place, unlike with other comic book adaptations (I'm looking at you, Smallville).

7) I can see why so many people complain that this is more of a transitionary piece between the first movie and The Avengers....but since I'm one of those people who liked The Empire Strikes Back (back when I gave a crap about Star Wars) because it was transitionary, I have no problems with that....

8) More Coulson-who-should-be-named-Jasper-Sitwell! Yes!

The most underrated character in the Marvel movies.  Period

9) Admittedly, Sam Rockwell's Justin Hammer owes quite a bit to his star turn as Chuck Barris in Confessions of A Dangerous Mind...except that the nature of his arrangement with Vashenko reflects the way Hammer operated in the comic. Given that Hammer is left alive, I can only hope he emerges somewhere down the line being Tony's dark mirror, using his genius to fund villains and miscreants.

10) My only regret in the way the relationship between Stark and Pepper progresses in this film? My hopes to see a Cinematic Universe version of Bethany Cabe is now down to nil.

In short...well, I was predisposed to like this film, and it did not give me a reason not to like it. It made me feel like a little kid coming home with his stash of Marvels from the local candy store, which is something I'm getting less and less these days.