Ten Statements About....THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (1974)

If the film was just these two...and maybe Maud Adams...
I'd have been a lot happier.

“You see, Mr Bond, like all great artists I want to create one indisputable masterpiece: the death of 007."
“You mean stuffed and mounted over your rocky mantelpiece?"
“It's an amusing idea, but I was thinking more in terms of history.”

1) This is the last of the Maibaum and Mankiewicz scripts...and it is the most nonsensical one of all.  Never has a Bond film been more a string of crazy stuff that happens than in this film.

2) It’s obvious at this early juncture why the Moore era seems so dated while the Connery films aren’t is how they seem to be constantly chasing trends--in the case of this film, there’s a lengthy and fairly out of place kung fu sequence that ends with Bond being saved by a pair of schoolgirls in plaid skirts.  I remember thinking it was cool at one point, but now it just seems gratuitous and more than a little embarrassing.

3) And speaking of gratuitous and pointless...the film seems to literally stop so that Clifton James’ Sherrif J.W. Pepper can act like the ultimate ugly American (his constant referring to the Thai people around him as ‘pointy heads’ is particularly winge-worthy)...and then somehow shoehorns him into the major action sequence so that he can ‘enliven’ the film with his southern fried hick comedy.  It’s indicative how the Moore films seem skewed more to comedy than action.  However...

When you need two schoolgirls to save your ass...well,
you're no longer an effective secret agent.

4) It’s to the credit of the script that Bond himself is not part of the comedy.  We’re still in the phase where Moore is finding his voice, and he shows glimmers of true ruthlessness, especially when he’s dealing with the arms dealer Lazar and Maud Adams’ Allison Anders.  It’s a hint of what Moore’s Bond could have been if he hadn’t decided to coast on his charm and go for broad comedy.

5) What little life the film has lies in the hands of Christopher Lee’s Scaramanga.  Playing a dark mirror for Bond, Lee (Ian Fleming’s cousin, and the author’s choice to play Dr. No) sinks his teeth into the part enthusiastically, giving an otherwise thinly written character a dimension of quiet menace.  Giving him all the gadgets gives the film one of the few interesting edges.

6) Hmmm...a hired assassin with a perchance for carnival memorabilia who charges an exorbitant fee, lures victims into a funhouse to kill them and has an assistant named Locke...is it time to add another item on the list of Things Chris Claremont Stole Shit From?

The only reason Britt Eklund is in the film.

7) Britt Eklund’s Holly Goodnight may very well be the single stupidest character ever to appear in a Bond film--and that’s saying something.  She contributes nothing to the film except to needlessly complicate things and look good in a bikini, and even has the distinction of extending the film’s bloated running time by having her butt activate a giant solar gun.  Adam’s Anders is much more effective, which is why it’s so sad she becomes the Sacrificial Lamb.

8) Hey, and speaking of that Giant Solar Gun...it comes out of nowhere, makes no sense for Scaramanga to have it, and seems to be there solely so he can blow up an airplane.  It’s a real non-sequitur end to a villain plot.

9)   You know, there are moments where Herve Villechaize’s Nick Nack is an effective, even nightmarish presence...but then you see him in a diaper and an oni mask, or running around a yacht throwing wine bottles shouting ‘I keel you!  I keel you’ where he becomes embarrassing.

Go away, J.W Pepper...just.  Go. Away.

10) As uninteresting as I found many of the settings this time around--Thailand in particular comes off as a tawdry backwater of a country (but maybe that’s the Pepper Hate talking), I love the unique look of Scaramanga’s hideout in a series of small islands now ironically named The James Bond Islands.  They provide a bit of color and flair in a film that sorely needs it.

Overall...one of the worst Bonds from the Moore era that comes off better than it should thanks to the character of Scaramanga (and the performance of same by Lee) and some interesting minor characters.  I’m sure it thanks the Cinema Gods that it looks miles better when compared to Moonraker and A View To A Kill, as we’ll learn soon.

Ten Statements About....GET CARTER (1971)

Michael Caine' gone a'hunting.  Better run and hide.

“You know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. Still the same. Pissholes in the snow."

1) Anybody who thinks of Michael Caine as a soft actor who plays variations of himself needs to see this performance.  Rarely smiling, struggling to control a seething rage within, Caine is a veritable Angel of Death come a’calling.  His ice cold performance holds the film together by sheer force of will.

2) Looking at it now, there’s a strange sadness in the interactions between Caine and Ian Hendry’s Eric.  Seeing both men, who were in the throes of alcoholism at the time, and knowing that Hendry’s life was close to ending because of it makes their scenes feel different than director Mike Hodge intended.

3) Even though she’s not the best of the handful of women in the film (none of which really has enough screen time to justify being called the female lead), Britt Eklund’s Anna does take the thankless job of being the sexual plaything/’fiance’ of Caine’s Carter and makes the best of it.  Her performance, along with the one she gives in The Wicker Man, does add to my suspicion that there was a genuine actress buried in that sex symbol wrapping of hers.

4) If I had to choose a favorite of the number women Carter has his way with, I’d have to go with Dorothy White’s Margaret.  Maybe because she’s a ginger, maybe it’s because of her pronounced accent, maybe it’s because of that one scene in the car where she couches Carter’s situation in fairy tale language (‘You’re going to meet the Demon Lord’), but she’s wickedly cool, eminently watchable and sexy as all Hell.  And because of how Hodges presents her to us, her final fate--something that throws Carter’s behavior towards her in the later second act in question--is truly shocking.

Michael Caine is naked, and he still is going to kick
your lilly white ass!

5) Hodges’ directorial style is very distinctive, particularly when it comes to action scenes.  Frequently, he will cut to an overhead long shot so we can see different planes of action.  It’s an interesting choice which distances us from what’s going on in the shot while also giving us a great deal of comprehension as to what is happening.  In the day of getting too close when it comes to fight scenes in an effort to ‘get the viewer into the action,’ this method actually makes the action much more comprehensible.

6) ...although it should be mentioned how violence, when it comes, does so shockingly and very, very suddenly.  Even though Hodges doesn’t engage in smash cuts and other tricks that are used in modern filmmaking, the sudden changes narratively from the slow, deliberate pace of most of the story and the abrupt way the violence intrudes upon it--as if the brutality invades the film from the movie playing on the screen next door--unhinges the viewer and disorients them.

7) This is yet another film I don’t think could have been made today (although it does make me curious as to how botched the Sylvester Stallone, Seattle-set version was).  Beyond a certain point, particularly when we are introduced to the concept of ‘L’--it’s hard to call him an actual character--there is a sense of inevitability to Carter’s journey and where it will end up.  And even though we sort of understand what Carter’s fate ultimately be, it still ends up as a shock when it happens.

Michaek Caine is so hardcore he gets Britt Ecklund off with
phonesex...before phonesex was even invented!

8) There is one wordless scene where we learn why Carter’s brother had to die that is magnificent.  Primarily focused on Caine sitting on a bed, it’s a magnificent moment because he retains that weird stoicism, his facial expression never changing--and yet we can feel the white hot rage building up in Carter.

9) The cinematography here is interested, especially in the way everything seems designed to make Carter look separate from everyone else in Newcastle proper.  The simple choice of giving Carter a black trenchcoat that makes him pop out from the amongst the uniformly grey and drab background works.  It emphasizes that Carter has become something apart from the city he grew up in and at certain key action moments he comes off as the Angel of Death stalking these grimy little streets.

Michael Caine just caught you looking at him funny...RUN!

10) Hodges really seems to love these sequences where he transposes the main action with something else.  Most of them are the expected ‘here’s the normal life, and here’s the shit Carter’s knee deep in,’ but there’s this one moment where he intercuts between Carter being ridden towards a meeting and the sex he’s going to have with the driver later that’s really striking and peculiar.  It’s the sort of playing with time and space that future directors like Tarantino and Soderberg will embrace that I wish would happen more often.

Overall...a brutal and brilliant crime film that’s as dark as the soul of its protaganist, and evidence that Michael Caine was, and always will be, hardcore.

Ten Statements About....ASYLUM (1972)

"I want you to make the grandest dress for the ball
ever--I will be a pretty lady, I will!"

"Now I'm not so sure these poor devils up there can't be cured. They can only be confined and kept from being dangerous."

"Is that Dr. Starr's outlook, too?"

"Dr. Starr is upstairs now."

"What, with a patient?"

"Dr. Starr is a patient."

1) This, the final of the three Robert Bloch-penned Amicus anthologies, features what is hands down the best of the company's framing sequences--probably because it's not 'a mysterious tarot card reader/carnival worker/real estate agent tells various souls their doomed future,' and because it seamlessly folds into the final story. This is prime anthology film storytelling.

And if you don't believe me, keep in mind this framing sequence was ripped off whole--with less budget and cinematic style--in World Film Services' lackluster Tales That Witness Madness the following year.

2) I am positive that Amicus always worked on a low budget (and the bulk of said budget was always thrown at the bigger-than-you'd-expect name cast), but it's to the company's credit how they made their lack of budget work for them. Just look at their solution to 'Frozen Terror's' ultimate monstrosity. By wrapping the body parts in butcher paper, the film effectively conceals that these are mainly artificial limbs and manniquin parts...but also drives home how premeditated Richard Todd's Walter's act was, which makes that portion of the story extra creepy.

3) Supposedly, Todd regretted doing this picture, which is a pity, as his understated performance gives the film one of its best shock cuts.

4) Even though it's not so much a story as a kind of loosely connected notions forced into story-like form, I found 'The Weird Tailor' somewhat compelling thanks to the performances of Barry Morse and Peter Cushing. The two of them create a sort of forlorn chemistry, and I almost wish I could watch more of these desperate characters interacting with each other. I think it also helps that the theme of the story has a strange sort of resonance with what was going on in Cushing's life at the time.

5) That being said...nothing says 'Are You Kidding Me?' quite like two elderly men rolling around in a dark, empty room in what I think is supposed to be interpreted as 'fighting.'

Sadly, this does not lead into some 70's actress girl-on-girl
action...

6) Of course, every one of these portmanteau films has to have a turkey--and boy, is 'Lucy Comes To Stay' gobbling away in this film's center. You would think twenty minutes or so of Britt Eklund trying to tempt Charlotte Rampling into badness--both in the prime of their hotness--fun, but the pacing is way off, there are long stretches of talking heads, and the ending is pretty obvious from the moment Eklund's Lucy first appears. It could easily have been cut, or pared down to a more manageable, shorter length.

7) I don't care what you say, there is something so freaky creepy about the little Herbert Lom-headed doll doing the toy-robot shuffle and stabbing Patrick MacGee in the back of the neck with a scalpel...and if that doesn't freak you out, seeing what Lom's Dr. Byron told you was inside that doll spilling out of it will....

8) And you know...give Bloch credit for leading us to assume one conclusion to this framing sequence, only to switch us to another. Granted, it really helps that Geoffrey Blaydon not only is able to keep in character until the big twist is sprung, but also has the single craziest laugh I've ever heard.

"From the toy shop's heart, I stab at thee!"

9) Seeing how clever this production is in utilizing its low-budget special effects (there's really only one absolutely terrible effect, in 'The Weird Tailor') makes me sad that we won't see their likes again. It takes real creativity to utilize colored gels to make a roll of fabric seem strangely alive, or give us these strange ass robots, and their creakiness gives them a solidity and charm an overpolished CGI monster will never have.

10) And perhaps the most puzzling aspect of this film is how Bloch consciously leaves many things unexplained clearly. Why does Dr. Byron have a whole cabinet full of his creepy robots with the heads of his colleagues? Provided the suit Bruno the Tailor made for Mr. Smith worked, how did Mr. Smith intend to make the money he was promising was forthcoming? It's as if Bloch understood that there are some things the audience likes to make up their own mind about--things that they could come up with scarier solutions for--and you know a modern remake would never allow these areas of mystery to be unexplained.

Overall...it's a real toss-up between this and The House That Dripped Blood as to which one is my all-time favorite of the Amicus portmanteaus. This one may actually have a higher percentage of quality stories (although House doesn't have a story anywhere near as stinky as 'Luck Comes To Stay') and definitely has the best framing sequence. Highly recommended.

And incidentally, if you watch this on the Blue Underground DVD, check out the weird twenty-minutes featurette on the history of Amicus. Max Rosenberg's account of the company's history seems violently opposed to the account presented by Freddie Francis and Roy Ward Baker, and you have to wonder what really happened.

Ten Statements About....THE WICKER MAN (1973)

Arguably Christopher Lee's scariest performance...and he
does it without any fangs, weapons or blood...

"And what of the True God, in whose glory churches and monasteries have been built on these islands for generations past? Now, sir, what of him?"
"Oh, he's dead. Can't complain. Had his chance and, in modern parlance, blew it."

1) The version I watched was the extended version, which restored a slew of scenes cut out after British Lion changed hands--and to be fair, some of those scenes aren't necessary. The five minutes at the beginning establishing Sargent Howie's life on the mainland in particular doesn't help; it establishes what an intolerant jerk he is even more, and thus changes the whole mutability of the film.

2) However, what does work is how the extended version shifts around some scenes for greater impact. In particular, by moving Britt Eklund's dance from the first to the end of the second act gives it far more weight and logical sense.

3) You gotta give director Ron Hardy credit for that 'thanks to the people of Summerisle' card at the very beginning, as it manages to emphasize the feeling that this is some twisted home movie or something.

4) The strength of Lee's performance--a performance he claims to this day he accepted no payment for--is how Lord Summerisle seems perfect reasonable throughout...and yet there's always the sense he finds something very, very funny. You know, like he's playing a game.

If you get the choice between sleeping with her and being
burned alive...CHOOSE HER!!!!

5) If you told me the most disturbing scene in this film would involve a naked Britt Eklund dancing around, I'd laugh in your face. And yet...here it is.

6) This film's strength is that it changes from viewing to viewing. The character we identify with in our first viewing becomes something akin to a villain in later viewings.

7) Oh...and there's a brilliance to this being an out-and-out musical, with something like a dozen songs and production number sprinkled throughout--including one sang by Lee himself.

8) I am surprised nothing was made, given the comparative religion angle that infused this film, of the way Eklund, Diane Cilento and Ingrid Pitt could be seen to represent the three faces of the pagan goddess Hecate (The Maiden, the Matron and The Crone).

9) The most wonderful aspect of Anthony Shaeffer's plot? The people of Summerisle give Sargent Howie multiple ways out of the situation he finds himself in (including screwing Britt Eklund...which, given how good she looks in this film, isn't half bad as an exit)...and the man's pigheadishness, righteousness and religious zealousness keep him from seeing what he is being clearly told.

Forget your Girl School Screamers...Ed Woodward may have
the most gut-wrenching cry of horror in film history.

10) The joy of Edward Woodward's performance is how he is such a total priss--and yet, for a loooooong stretch of time, Woodward is able to keep our sympathies during that initial viewing, this keeping us in his point of view.



If you prefer this version...you suck.
Period.  And Chris Lee will kick your ass.



Overall...one of my favorite films, and definitely one of my favorite horror films, a movie that works because it presumes an intelligence and alertness on the part of its audience, and trusts us to make the proper connections. Plus, it rewards multiple viewings.

　

(Oh, and Todd Haynes and Nicholas Cage? Fuck you for taking a film that should not have been remade and turning out such a colossal joke that a lot of casual horror fans will never discover how brilliant this film is.)