Friday, September 16, 2011

Ten Statements--No Wait, Eleven!--About....TORCHWOOD: MIRACLE DAY Episode Ten 'The Blood Line' (2011)

Would that Gwen had that gun trained on Russell T. Davies
to prevent him from ever writing anything again...
"You take care. Don't do those stupid, lame-ass Torchwood things.  Be a professional for once."

1) much as this ten weeks have thoroughly eroded my affection and love for Eve Myles, there's a moment at the five minute, fifteen second mark where she teases Oswald Danes with the idea that Death is about to return to Earth. She then smiles ever-so-slightly, and I was suddenly reminded why she is so supremely sexy, and why Gwen Cooper, through most of the series, was one of the few characters I actively liked.

2) Once again, we're getting Russell T. Davies trying to prove he knows how to use Google in place of natural dialogue. That being said...

3) I give him props for following one of the precepts for making Effective villains--namely, that the villains should never think they're the bad guys. Frances Fisher, as the unnamed face of The Three Families, really sells the idea that this group is not motivated by malice but a true desire to make the world a better place. It's just a pity that Fisher, and her character, was nowhere to be seen for the first eight episodes.

"You mean I have to come back if there's a 5th
season?  Awwww, man...."
4) I know that Davies wrote that scene between Jack and Oswald as something truly profound and meaningful, with a final line that's supposed to stir us up for the coming climax. But it doesn't. Even the basic idea of comparing the two and trying to make them into similar people only diminishes Jack.

5) And once again, Kai 'The Jason Segal of Wales' Owen proves in one brief scene why he is my favorite character in the history of the show.

6) I swear, this is the single dumbest CIA unit in the history of media. Marina Benedict's Charlotte did everything short of putting on a mustache and twirling it when she planted the bomb.

7) As engaging as Fisher was--the dumbass on the Buenos Aires end of The Blessing (I'm assuming this is Chris Butler, who's billed as 'The Cousin') was a prime example of how not to play the bad guy. Cackling, loud and boisterous, he takes away a lot of the gravitas of this final stand-off. Everytime he shares screentime with Fisher, he actually makes her less effective.

8) Could someone please point out to Davies that when Angel (for that is what Torchwood has always been, the darker, more 'adult' Angel to Doctor Who's Buffy) broke away from its parent show fully, it divested itself of those remnants of the original? Constantly citing the Doctor and his mythology only reminds us of a better show--and prolly pisses off Stephan Moffat to no end.

9) Again, I have to reiterate--if the Rex that we got in this and the previous episode, who proves again in this episode that he's a lot cleverer than he seems, was the Rex we got from Episode One, I might have a higher opinion of this show.

Somehow, I think it's appropriate that this season ends
with a funeral...of the series itself, I'm thinking.
10) Okay, you've just spent ten weeks reminding us that Gwen is The Angel of Freakin' Ass-Kickery...and yet, she struggles against pampered, tiny lil' obnoxious Jilly Kitzinger? Fuck you.

11) Oh. My. Lord. Surely Davies doesn't think that we're going to buy that the computer screen zoomed in on Charlotte's name as it plays out on Rex's cellphone? Because if he does, he must think we're stupider than I ever imagined.

Overall...I was alllllmost tricked into begrudgingly liking this episode thanks to a particularly strong first half hour. But then reality crashes in and we're treated to some ludicrous stuff, a climax that, quite frankly, explains next to nothing, and a set up for what I know Davies is hoping will be a second season of real bald-faced X-Files rip-offery. With this, Davies has frittered away all the good will he earned with the Chidren of Earth arc, and hopefully will disappear into the same black hole that apparently claimed such similar charlatans as Chris Carter and Tim Kring.

Fuck this season.

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