Ten Statements About....TORCHWOOD: MIRACLE DAY Episode Three 'Dead of Night' (2011)

After watching three episodes of this season, I want to put
on a mask and cry, too....

"Now, technically, we both know I can't kill you. But you see, the beauty of this miracle is if I shoot you just right, then maybe you might live in agony for who knows how long...maybe a thousand years. Now you think about that."

1) So we're supposed to root for Rex because he, what, threatens to torture Wayne Knight in full Newman mode? Somehow, it just makes him look like a bully. But then, since I find both Rex and Knight's Friedkin detestable characters...I just don't care.

2) Ooooooh....so there's a secret organization that's been pulling the strings for decades and knows everything. Like I didn't see that one coming.

Yeah, I'm going to need some of those painkillers if I'm to keep
watching this season, Jack....

3) Well, I guess we should not get attached to Esther any time soon. We all know what happens to people on Torchwood who actually, you know, know what they're doing, right?

4) I know the script is written by Jane Espenson of Buffy and Point Pleasant fame, but...it still feels like a Russell T. Davies script. Hell, it feels like RTD's Greatest Hits...which makes you wonder why the Stephen Moffats and Paul Cornells of the world were able make their Doctor Who scripts still uniquely theirs.

5) I am so relieved we've still got Arlene Tur's Dr. Juarez around...about the same amount I can't stand that she's sharing scenes with Lauren Ambrose's Jilly Kitzinger. It's like watching Roger Delgado's version of The Master having lunch with John Sims'.

6) The basic problem with the dramatic confrontation between Rex and Jack is simple--while Mekhi Phifer is a better actor--a much better actor--than John Barrowman, the scripts for this season has not done any work to make Rex anything other than an asshole whereas Jack has been made to look a whole lot more accessible and friendly. Thus, when Rex stalks off after having their little blow-up, the viewer isn't worried in the least. Hell, they're relieved the jerk is gone.

7) Contrast the Rex/Jack interaction with that of Esther and Gwen. There is such an easy chemistry between Eve Myles and Alexa Havins that you can believe they'll have each other back no matter what.

As bad as this season has shaped up to be, I can at least
take some joy in rhe interplay between these two.

8) My GOD, they're not building a romance between Rex and Juarez? Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised given Russell T. Davies inability to see male/female relations in terms other than romantic or fruit-fly-esque. But then again, the idea of Juarez willingly jumping into bed with a patient she knows has a damaged heart--literally--makes her less of a doctor, right? Right?

9) My GOD Part Two....was that whole sequence featuring Danes running from two rednecks wanting to hurt him for being a child-murdering pedophile into the arms of two cops that beat him to shit designed to make us feel sympathy for him? I get that the whole idea is to make us feel duped when Danes shows us his true colors...but it's done in the typical hamfisted Davies way, which means the effect falls flat.

10) It just occurred to me watching Ambrose interact with Pullman...Jilly has her own uniform. Not only that, it's a uniform that's in direct contrast with the color palette of the entire show, with the bright red coat. hair and lipstick. I think this is Russell T. Davies' idea of a subtle clue that Jilly may be more powerful than she seems....Hell, that she may in fact come from the same organization that Captain Jack Harkness and Captain John Hawk used to work for.

Notice the operative phrase is 'Russell T. Davies idea of a subtle clue.

Overall....this has rapidly degenerated into the awful excesses of the first season--lots of inappropriate sex made even smuttier since it's being done for American cable, characters that simply don't behave in any way like human beings do, sinister corporations...only this time with the added overlay of Davies proving he did a lot of googling to extrapolate his premise. And even the rare character I like, such as Dr. Juarez, is made somewhat questionable thanks to her questionable actions. I'm dancing on the edge of saying 'Fuck this season.' Dancing a lot.

Ten Statements About....TORCHWOOD: MIRACLE DAY Episode Two 'Rendition' (2011)

"Alright...if we inject Russell T. Davies, he might end up
being a decent writer."

"Everything mortal becomes immortal, so everything immortal becomes mortal. See? I can be useful."

1) Well...as I feared, Mekhi Phifer's job is to be a one dimensional, colossal dick, and they're going to give Kai 'The Jason Segal of Wales' Owen a pass out of the show. But on the other hand, Dichen Lachman (okay, Dichen Lachman once again hiding her natural sexy Aussie accent, but...).

2) Oh, my god...don't tell me that we've got to sit through eight more weeks of the typical Russell T. Davies sophomoric sexually-based humor. I thought we were done with that circa 'Children of Earth.'

3) Is there a reason why Wayne Knight is in this..of course, it doesn't help that he's playing a smarmy jerk in his interactions with Esther in such a way that I expect Kramer to slide into CIA HQ at any moment. And the way he pulls the same dithering anxious faces throughout his brief time, you don't buy him as this Guy Who's Pulling The Strings.

4) You know what I love about the way Eve Myles and John Barrowman work together? The way they've worked out this excellent timing with their body language so that by watching them interact you can get a whole other level of understanding about what's going on. Between these two, a shift in a chair or a very quick, faint smile speaks volumes more than what they're bickering about.

To my surprise, this is my favorite character in this story.

5) I suspect we won't be seeing Arlene Tur's Dr. Juarez for very long--which is a pity, because she is, along with Esther, the only new character worth a damn in this story. I just wish the story didn't portray her as The Doctor With All The Answers at times.

6) Poor, poor Bill Pullman, who is doing his damndest to give the role of Oswald Danes far more depth than it needs, or Davies intended him to have. He's so out of place, trying to give a realistic performance in what is amounting to be a really poor comic book...worse, a comic book written by Brian 'If My HBO Went Out, I'd Have Nothing To Write' Azzarello for the Bill Jemas era 'decompressed' Marvel...

　

7) ..and then to add insult to injury, they saddle him with Lauren Ambrose trying to channel her inner Diane Keaton as a comedy relief public relations specialist? Who's proposing Danes capitalize on his crime in direct opposition to the laws in New York State that expressed forbid felons from doing so? DID ANYONE THINK THIS STORYLINE THROUGH?

8) Davies does know that when your whole story revolves around the human race suddenly losing the capacity for death, it's kind of hard for us to feel suspense over the idea that someone is trying to kill Esther, right? Right?

"Alright...you need to sit down and find that accent of
yours and put it back on...you're annoying everyone."

9) My God, they're actually expecting us to be sympathetic toward Rex...well, they're expecting a lot, because right now--even after he saves Jack's life--I still want to punch him in the face repeatedly with a cestus.

And sadly, he is far from the only character I want to do this to.

10) So basically, when you boil this episode down to its core...it's an hour on an airplane running around looking for ammonia. There's a definite whiff of this being a running in place exercise designed to get the show up to its ten week commitment.

Overall....the things I do for you people....this is going to be a very, very awful story.