Ten Statements About....THE BLOB (1988)

"Hey...someone threw up in the center aisle...a LOT!"

“All I saw was an old man with a funky hand, that's all I saw."
“The thing on that man's hand killed him and then it killed Paul, and whatever it is, it's getting bigger!”

1) Jeez, Chuck Russell....you sure take your time with starting this party.  That first couple of scenes start out sooooo slowly that I almost gave up on it.  Luckily I remember liking it when I saw it in college because things pick up.

2) I have to give this film props for the sheer ruthlessness of its body count.  While I certainly understand the Janet-Leigh-ification of Donovan Leitch’s Paul, I did not expect the film to follow through with the murder of a number of supporting characters I expected to see last the night--including one child!

3) Maybe it’s me, but I never quite bought Kevin Dillon (who, oddly enough, looks like what would happen if Kevin Bacon and Matt Dillon had a child) as the rebel Brian.  It’s obvious that he is aping Steve McQueen from the original, but there’s something missing that robs him of that quality.

4) I always thought Shawnee Smith was hella cute, but I’m struck by how, even at this early juncture,

Scream, Shawnee Smith...scream like the wind!

she has some real acting skill.  Meg could have been a nothing, cliched character, but Smith does give her life, nuance, and something of a backbone.  As such, she manages to cover for Dillon’s shortcomings and becomes the de facto central character.

5) This film’s major twist would never have worked without Joe Seneca.  Seneca plays Dr. Meadows very, very cagily; I love how, as we peel away the layers to find out what he truly is, we never quite lose the kindly doctor we first meet--and that makes him all the scarier.

6) And speaking of that twist--while I will certainly agree that it’s a reflection of the times in which this remake was made, I do think it’s a great swerve for people familiar with the original, and is another sign of All Bets Being Off.

7) God bless the 80‘s for giving us a horror film that focuses primarily on teenage characters with enough grue and grotesqueness that it garners an R rating.  You know that the studios would never allow that to stand today.  And speaking of the grotesqueness...

There' a phallic symbol joke just begging to be told here....

8) Given that we’re talking about the era of practical effects, this Blob is seriously scary.  It’s got an even more organic look than the original that’s positively disturbing.  Sure, there are a couple of clunky shots (including the one that was used on the film’s posters), but overall there’s a sense of immediacy to the creature.  Even when it switches to being somewhat obviously blue-screened in, it evokes fond memories of Ray Harryhausen.

9)  You know, I sometimes balk at how some horror films aren’t horror films, but are action movies with horror elements.  An argument can be made that this film slides into an action movie with horror elements in the third act...and yet, thanks to the script by Russell and Frank Darabont, I did not mind it.  Hell, I loved the way it sort of mimicked those 50‘s sci-fi films where it boils down to man beating the crap out of a giant monster.

10) Even though the small town is pretty much a cipher--I don’t think the place is even named--but the casting of some major character actors like Candy Clark, Art La Fluer and the great Del Close in key roles help flesh out the world by giving the populace a life of its own.

Overall...a fun, effective and gruesome update on a classic B-movie that’s been unjustly forgotten.

Ten Statements About....THE MASK (1994)



There are very few films where I find snot jokes acceptable.
This is one of them.

 "It's Party Time! P-A-R-T...why? Because I gotta!."

1) You know why I can watch this Jim Carrey film where he goes all gonzo when I can't stand watching him in so many others? Because Carrey underplays Stanley Ipkiss--his Stanley is very grounded and very realistic, and that makes it clear that his Mask persona is an abberation. It's an anomaly, which makes the grotesqueness of that persona's behavior understandable as opposed to some of the outright psychotic characters that Carrey plays in later films.

2) It's really impressive how director Chuck Russell established what kind of world this film exists in within minutes of its start time. Through the use of a recognizable matte, the art deco style of the titles and even the music cues, Russell makes it clear that Edge City is a weird fusion of modern and pre-WWII style, something he keeps consistent throughout the story.

Here's the best special effect of this film..

3) Look, I like Cameron Diaz as she is now, even if she is a stick insect....but MAN, has any woman ever just grabbed hold of the screen with both hands and took control of it like she does in this movie? Everything that made her what she is today is all there, plus she's got major curves and obviously knows how to use them in those production numbers. Plus....

4) ...one of the keys to this movie is how much fun everyone is having making it. I could watch the dance number solely for the looks of pure joy on Diaz' and Carrey's face alone. This is a conedy that is made all the more fun because it looks like it was such a blast to make!

5) That being said...I really felt sad watching Richard Jeni's performance in this film, knowing that all his timing and comic sensibility that he shows in this film gave what could've been a thankless role a life of its own...and he talent away by committing suicide.

6) One of the truly ingenious things about this script is that, for all the weirdness and the gags and the special effects, it's Stanley as Stanley who saves the day and gets the girl. The Mask is not the hero, but a device--literally--that allows him to recognize in himself the qualities he needs to be the man he wants to be.

7) Give Peter Reigert credit--if I didn't know he was an foreign national, I wouldn't have known from his portrayal as Lt. Kellaway. Granted, it's an urban cop informed by 40's cop movies....but given that Edge City has one foot in the whole WWII style, it works.

8) You know...Diaz is volcanic and all, but there's a lot to be said about Amy Yasbeck as Peggy Brandt who has her own kind of sexiness to her. I almost regret that she disappears whole from the film the second she hands Stanley over to Dorian (I understand that a deleted scene shows the Mask'd Dorian throwing her into the printing press and killing her), as I would've liked to see her character continue to the end.

"I've heard of the phrase 'gimme some tongue' but...ewwww...."

9) And speaking of Dorian...I admit, I rather liked Peter Greene's Dorian as the main bad guy. Yes, the character skews a lot closer to the modern day criminal sensibilities than the rest of the film but maybe that's the point--namely that Dorian represents the encroachment of time on a timeless city, which is why his Mask'd persona is much more ruthless, dark and bloodthirsty than Ipkiss'.

10) And what discussion of this film would be complete without citing Max, the Jack Russell Terrier who plays Milo, Stanley's pet. This is one amazing dog, judging from the things they manage to get him to do without apparent aid of special effects...Hell, the one time it looks like they had to fake one of his stunts (jumping up to Stanley while our hero is incarcerated) looks all the more fake due to their attempts to cover the artifice up.

Overall...a film that still holds up due to some great performances and an attention to internal and external consistency, it works as a comedy, an adventure...and even as a semi-musical. Plus Cameron Diaz showing us exactly why she becomes Cameron Diaz.